Don’t Dress up as Judge Ito for Halloween

During the mid-90’s, right in the heat of the O.J. Simpson trial and one cool October night, I decided to dress as Judge Ito for Halloween. I was in seventh grade and while some may consider thirteen too old for trick-or-treating there was no denying my love for candy. I had my black wig, my mom’s old graduation gown, small glasses, a goatee and a giant pillow case.

My friend came over dressed as a baby and we intended to visit every house in my neighborhood. Really load up on the candy. We made it to every house and with good time! In fact, it was still early. Our pillowcases were already swollen with candy, bulging in all directions but I easily convinced her to travel across the street to another neighborhood to get more candy. We started in a small cul-de-sac that had about five houses curved in a row. When we rounded the corner of the last house a few high school boys, some wearing robes and masks, came running around the corner. My friend ran to the street while I stopped, like an idiot, and said, “Oh! You scared me!” I remember being confused right before they grabbed my arms. One boy tugged at my pillowcase, now just over half full, and I tugged back. I wasn’t worried at all about getting beat up by four boys…I didn’t want to lose my candy. Once they realized I wouldn’t let go two of the boys kicked my legs out from under me. I saw my friend standing in the street laughing at me while I fell down to the ground. They boys held me down for a few seconds while some got a running head start…with my candy.

“Thanks for helping!” I sarcastically yelled at my friend. My Ito goatee was half off my face and I was pissed. I dreaded going home. I shouldn’t have been so greedy. I’m sure three pounds of candy was more than enough. I caught my breath and we walked back to my house. When I walked in the front door my dad was standing in the hallway, on the phone with my grandpa. I tried to hold back tears but I just couldn’t. I swear steam came out of my dad’s ears when I told him what happened. Once he heard my candy was stolen he put the phone real close to his mouth and sternly said, “Dad, I have to call you back, some fucking assholes stole her candy……..I don’t know, but I’m going to get those fuckers.” Click.

My mom came running into the room by now.  “What happened?!” she asked with a worried face. Her eyes looked me up and down and doubled back to my hands. “Where’s my pillowcase?!” she yelled. She was more upset about her pillowcase being stolen than the safety of her daughter.  My dad left during this argument to go find his police search light. “I can’t believe you’re upset about a pillowcase,” he said to my mom as he returned. “Come on, we’re looking for them right now! You’re going to tell me what they looked like, we’re going to find them and get your candy back. Get in the car!” I was nervous. I tried pleading with him to just stay home, that I shouldn’t have gone into that neighborhood in the first place but I was still sitting shotgun, listening to my dad talk about “how those fuckers are gonna pay.” We drove around like sketch balls for a few minutes, driving no more than 10 mph and shining a giant spotlight on trick-or-treaters. I was humiliated and I never saw the boys that jumped me and took my candy again. My dad took me to the store that night and gave me twenty bucks. Maybe getting jumped while being dressed as Judge Ito on Halloween wasn’t so bad after all…

Flash Memories of a Dead Bird

I have memories that often pop into my head at the most irrelevant of times. I’ll be watching a Julia Roberts movie and all of a sudden….BAM! I remember planning to attack a fellow classmate out in the hall because he allegedly cheated on a friend. She held his arms and I kicked him square in the nuts. Combat boots were cool and socially acceptable in sixth grade at the time. I haven’t spoken to either of them in well over ten years but the memory still lingers like poop on a finger. This happens a lot to me, not poop on the finger, the memories.

Another memory that consistently pops into my head is from when I was a little girl. My grandma lived close to a train station and many felons. We’d go for long walks on uneven sidewalks and for some reason there were always dead baby birds laying right there on the concrete in front of us. Any normal adult would tell a child not to touch dead animals but my grandma didn’t exactly live by the norms. I also wasn’t a normal kid. I would crouch down next to these dead little birds and wonder how they died and why no one saved them. Their eyes were usually half closed, their beaks open just enough for me to close one eye to peak into their mouths, their bald little heads made me smile and I was always mesmerized that they had more skin than feathers. In her most exaggerated and saddened tone, that always made me feel guilty, my grandma would explain how horrible it was for that mama bird to lose her babies…usually followed by some praying to a saint or Jesus. Then she’d tell me to place it under the tree and I would walk the lifeless bird off the sidewalk and to the tree it came from. The baby bird took up my entire five-year-old palms and I would slowly walk it over to the tree, resting it against the bark while my grandma held her hand out for mine to continue our walk. I’d always look up for the nest and close my eyes out of respect for mother bird’s loss. If I concentrate hard enough I can still remember how their tiny bones felt under their loose, wrinkly skin.

About a month ago, while walking with friends through a park I saw a bird, full grown though, just sitting on the ground. It was hard to tell if it was alive or dead so I crept closer and closer trying to get a better look. It was so strange. It looked alive, the way it was sitting there, but it was completely motionless. The first thing I thought to do was to pick it up and move it under a tree. I instantly started taking a mental inventory of the contents in my car, trying to figure what I could use to carry the still bird. After being told several times to leave the bird alone I decided it was probably best and I looked down at the bird. I was very sorry that I couldn’t help it, my five-year-old self would be extremely disappointed. I looked up at the trees, trying to figure out where it came from as I started backing away. I looked back a few times at the bird while we walked away and couldn’t help but be stunned. I still think about that bird and wonder what happened to it. I can’t help but wonder if it was a sign from my grandma.

Cars, Trains and Things Found Along The Way

I just developed a roll of film from this past July. The girl at the drugstore was very friendly and helpful when I warned her that I had been having trouble with the film door on my camera. I left feeling confident and anxious to see what was on that roll of film. Most of all, I hoped it wasn’t all exposed. The photo tech chatted about holidays with me for a while and then told me to come back in about half an hour.

When I walked into the store just a little over thirty minutes later there was no one at the photo counter. I waited while looking in the corners of my eyes for my friendly photo tech to hand me my pictures with a smile on her face…I waited and waited. I finally spotted her down an aisle changing sale signs on items. I stood in her view to give her the old “I’m waiting, but I’m patient” message. I still waited. I started shuffling around to make some movement and noise until I heard her walking towards me. She was walking fast and seemed upset to see me. I frowned. Did I do something wrong? Did my pictures not come out? I was so nervous you would have thought I was there to ID a body.

“So…how’d they come out?” I asked the girl while biting my lower lip.

“Eh…”

“Oh no, were they exposed?”

“Some of them, not too bad…here, you can look through them if you want,” she said while throwing the pictures down on the counter at me.

Then I realized why her attitude changed towards me in just half an hour. The roll of film was filled with pictures of underage drinking, some offensive things and children. This girl definitely no longer wanted to associate with me. I could have explained that I had a flat tire in the middle of nowhere with some railroad tracks splitting down the middle and taking pictures passed the time, but if I did that I wouldn’t have a story to share these pictures with you.

I don't know how to change a tire. This is not me.

The scenery is beautiful at 1460 feet above sea level.

A stroll down some tracks seems like a good idea.

You wanna go faster than a snail's pace while crossing any tracks.

Uhhhh...time to turn around!

WHAT THE FUCK?!

West is best.

The flat tire journey was short, but well lived. I’m going to have to take the next roll someplace else…who knows what’s on the rest! 

Simple Blog Change on Music Monday

I had to change my blog again. I know, I know. I'll keep this one for a while. The template I used to help build and customize ended up being way too much work. Did I mention that the entire thing was in Spanish? I know basic Spanish, enough to translate most of the code, but there was still so much HTML Spanish that I just don't have to the time to decode right now. So I went for just a simple approach. I should be spending time writing, not deciphering Spanish nerd code.

Oh and I'm so fucking stoked for this Friday! Vampire Weekend is coming to town! I've been obsessed with this band since a friend gave me a copy of their first album a while back. Here's a mix of some of their tunes, familiarize and become a fan!

Create a playlist at MixPod.com

Chimney Bluffs

I thought my friend and I were going thrift store shopping when I got out of work last Wednesday. I met him in a plaza and hopped in his car with a cigarette dangling from my mouth. He started driving in the opposite direction.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"Oh, you'll see," he laughed.

My friend has a record of being crazy...literally. This is the same kid that once swallowed an entire bottle of aderol just to know what it felt like to be Lindsay Lohan. He once stood with his toes over a local waterfall until an ambulance was called and he was taken away. I shouldn't have trusted him but I was feeling adventurous. We drove for what seemed forever until I saw a dead end ahead.

"Is that water?" I asked.

"It's Lake Ontario, baby!"

I peeled my legs off his leather seats and stepped out of the car into the 90 degrees and humidity so thick you could see it blanket over the water. I had never been out this far before and had no idea why he brought me here, but I followed him down a trail to the lake. I was wearing a rather short sun dress and platform flip flops. There were quite a few times where he had to actually carry me down so I wouldn't break an ankle. We made it down safely and started walking along the water.

"This is beautiful!" I exclaimed while heading to dip my toes in the water.

"Oh, Money, wait till you look up behind us!" (Yes, he calls me "Money")

It was amazing. Those steep cliffs along the lake are called Chimney Bluffs. I found out later that they lose three to five feet a year due to erosion. I tried climbing up one from lake side (yes, in my dress and platforms) and realized how fragile they were when rocks and dirt just kept sliding me down.

"Money! Let's go around and climb to the top!"

I eagerly agreed. There are a few wood trails that bring you to the top of the bluffs, although it's not recommended to get so close to the end as we did, but hey...you only live once (until you plummet to your death). We began our hike and I learned that my neck can sweat profusely if it's literally hotter than hell outside and you're hiking up a bluff.

We climbed up to the top and looked out to the lake. Stunning. I couldn't believe that I had never heard of this place before, it was just so beautiful. It didn't feel like I was in Rochester, NY.

After standing on the very edge of the bluffs and taking in all the scenery I started to think how easily it would be to fall.

"Did you bring me here to kill me?" I asked my loving, but yet unstable friend.
"No, I wouldn't kill you here."

So we took pictures. These are just from his phone. Luckily I had my mom's old camera from the 70's with me, I can't wait to develop the film!

We decided to drive back into town to grab clothes to go swimming. The water was perfect but I was a little afraid of going in the deep end after seeing Piranha 3D. My friend pretended he was drowning a few times and I lazed about, letting the current gently drift me as I looked up at the bluffs.

"What's wrong with you?" I yelled at him as people looked on as he pretended he couldn't swim.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" He screamed while gurgling water and splashing his arms.

I ignored him and went under for a dip to cool off. As I poked my head out of the water something hit my face. I wiped the water from my eyes and saw a pair of shorts floating next to me. I immediately looked at my friend who was all smiles.

"Are these your shorts?!"

"Oh yeah! WOO!" he yelled and did a handstand in the water...completely naked.

I love my friends.

All The Single Ladies...All Sexy Like

I don't use this word too much, but isn't this just adorable?

Blerg! Blog Updates

A completely new swanky look! There are still a few things I have to work on though, including the above buttons. The Home button works fine but I'm afraid the RSS and Comments button aren't working correctly.

FOR NEW SUBSCRIBERS: You can subscribe to my blog by scrolling down to the bottom of the page. Sorry about those buttons...they suck.

To search within my blog for any posts you might remember or what have you, there is a text box above my picture. Type in whatever pleases you and click the scribbled "BLOG" button to search. Easy, right?

I also added a random blog button. If you're feeling lucky, give her a try! Warning: There's a couple Lost episode recaps, so don't get discouraged...try again!

You'll find a Stumbleupon button right above the random blog link. Visit the site if you aren't familiar with it, but you should be...it's a great waste of time! With the Stumbleupon button you can add my blog to their site. Pretty rad, huh?

Oh, one more thing...you might see a cup of coffee followed by some Spanish. It's a link to donate money to the gal who created the template. I haven't removed it yet, it's a little tricky, so don't feel obligated to donate any money to anyone. Well, unless you want to give me money. I'd gladly take whatever you're offering. I have a lot of bad, expensive habits.

I think that's about all the updates I have right now. Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions. Enjoy snooping :)

Blog: Under Construction

I'm trying to find a new set up that I really like but it appears I'm too picky. This is just temporary until I find something that fits just right.

I feel bad for the construction so I added some pictures for your enjoyment. As you can see...they're littered all over the sides.

And who knows, I might get real lazy and stick with this one for a while.

Party 1999

The other night I walked into a party in a small, two bedroom apartment and was instantly greeted by an overwhelming stink, a punch in the face, of liquor followed by four sluts staring me down. They were crammed on a couch together and dressed like they were hoping to get raped at a club later (fingers crossed). Sitting across from them was with a tall, skinny kid who tried to be a lot cooler than he’ll ever be. Walking through the apartment we passed a DJ sitting in the corner and, of course, more assholes and sluts. We made our way to the back of the apartment, propping ourselves against the kitchen counter, standing next to the table that was being used for beer pong and barely big enough for a family of four to crowd around. There was a short, muscular built kid playing beer pong next to us. He wore a tight, black tank top, had a buzzed faux hawk and lots of Asian character tattoos on his pock marked covered body. I’d like to think he was 25 or so, but he looked more like 38 and had a slight lisp. Oh, did I mention that he kept fist pumping? All night.

I ended up following this kid and watching his every move, listening to every word he had to say. At first I’m pretty confident he thought I was interested in him because my eyes barely left him and I was constantly smiling. If I wasn’t looking at him he would get my attention by waving his arms at me or make a clicking noise. Not only did I respond to the clicking the noises, I gave him my attention and once he got it he would do something stupid to show off, like make fun of the guy next to him, fist pump and he even threw a couple dance moves in my direction. He approached me at one point when I was standing alone. Looking back on it, I wish I did accept his offer to play beer pong and I would have told him a fake name like Beverly and follow it with a story about how one day I’ll move to Jersey, one day. But once he realized I was with someone he stopped trying to get my attention. Don’t start thinking he has values, I overheard later on that he took advantage of a girl the night before. He spotted a cute high school blonde girl on her way to the kitchen like a hawk eyeing his prey. It was go time.

“A lot of people say I look like Ronnie,” the douche bag said.

“Who?” the little girl asked while squinting her eyes.

“Yo, you watch Jersey Shore?” he turned to asked me. Wait it really that obvious I was listening? Maybe the giant grin on my face gave it away.

“No, never seen it,” I replied honestly (and proudly…but now I’m considering becoming a fan).

“Some people watch shows with more substance,” the feisty blonde added while giving “Ronnie” a dirty look.

“What? What?!” he was upset. I was in heaven. He gave her a couple “why I outta” looks (WHO DOES THAT ANYMORE?!) and then a smile. Oh this guy was smooth, real smooth…unlike his skin. “I like your necklace,” he muttered out while throwing his ping pong ball in the red cups and his creepy side glance to her.

“Thanks,” the uninterested blonde said.

“You like my hair?” he asked her about his tiny and sad wannabe mohawk.

“No, I don’t like that kind of hair style.” This girl was turning out to be my hero.

He was in her face and just staring in her eyes, he was angry. After whispering something to her for a good minute or two she stormed away back to her friends. Class act gentlemanly things were said I’m assuming. He tapped my leg with his foot and sat down in a chair in a corner while putting his arms behind his head. He flexed his muscles as his opponent made his shot. Was this guy real? I was confused. Should I burst out laughing or punch him in the face?

While pondering this brutal dilemma I was distracted by the host of the party chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels. Coming into the party the bottle was half full (or empty, take it as you’d like…PESIMIST!), two hours later there was nothing left in that bottle. I feel a movie voice coming on…”One bottle. One man. Two hours.” He began humping imaginary women between steps (most likely the only thing he’s ever humped besides a pillow), sweating profusely and slapping girl’s asses as they went to get more vodka from the freezer. America’s sweetheart, ladies and gentlemen! As the girls were doing their ice cold shots of Mr. Boston vodka, we figured it was a good time to go outside and have a cigarette.

A reality check was desperately needed. When we walked back into the party there was an unconscious man being propped up on a chair like something out of Weekend at Bernie’s. The sluts hurried and gathered around him for pictures. Screaming and laughing as they tried to hold him up. Turns out it was their boss that they all decided to intentionally black mail. What kind of fuckery is this?! “Ronnie” began to pout in the corner since all the attention was taken away from him by a half dead man. The DJ started spinning some old 90’s club songs, the high school girls became upset because they wanted their Solja Boy or whatever else shit music they enjoy. Oh, don’t mind the guy in the living room that may or may not be breathing. I was becoming a little worried about the situation. There was weed, high school girls, lots of booze and I’m pretty sure there was some coke going on in the bathroom, oh, and someone with a blood alcohol content that would make Mel Gibson weak in the knees. Once we realized he was breathing I just hoped he would puke on one of the sluts posing for pictures with him. Luckily for them, they moved just in time. They all laughed hysterically as vomit poured out of his mouth as if someone just simply turned a knob to a faucet.

“This mutha fucka puked all over himself!” they screamed and jumped, rolling around like turtles on their backs.

They took a couple more pictures, added some to facebook (yes, of their boss passed out and covered in puke) and started passing around a blunt. As I waited for my turn with the wacky tobacky, I noticed that there was a lap dance about to happen…right next to me! He started bouncing and swaying in front of her while she wiggled in her chair with her arms up. They were both so ugly it was hard to watch, but I stared for as long as possible without my retinas burning. He started lifting up his shirt and she pushed him away. Puff, puff, pass.

A guy with Jesus bling about the size of his fist came in with his girl eating a burrito. He saw our unconscious friend, still propped up in a chair and laughed so hard till he was on the ground. His unimpressed girlfriend continued to chow down on her burrito. She was…remarkable. Her jeans were a couple sizes too tight, her robot t-shirt was just big enough to cover whatever skin fell through the cracks and she had uneven fire engine red bangs. She was expressionless all night. I loved her. They started sharing their pictures with him and he wanted in on the action, he asked his girlfriend to take a picture but she was too busy with her burrito.

“Woman, get your ass over here and take a picture!” he yelled at her while holding a pose on one knee and the empty bottle of Jack resting on the unconscious.

“What you want? A picture?” she juggled her phone and burrito until she figured out how to take a picture without letting go of that fucking burrito. Her boyfriend and his Jesus bling laughed till he dropped again. She still ate her burrito. After calming down he started eating some kind of Slim Jim sausage about the size of a sharpie marker without the cap. He wiggled it in all the slut’s faces before taking a bite. I did the best I could trying to control my laughter but apparently not good enough since I got a couple more dirty looks to add to my collection for the night.

The DJ saw “Ronnie” pouting and started messing with him. Spinning songs perfect for fist pumping and yelled, “Come on, man! Where’s The Situation at?” He did this several times as “Ronnie” just glared at him from across the room. I thought for sure there was going to be a fight. Some of the sluts joined in with the DJ as they fist pumped in front of him while laughing. “Ronnie” never laughed. His eyes were squinty, his brow furrowed and his lips pressed tightly down while he gave everyone dirty looks. Obviously I loved every minute of this display of public humiliation and “Ronnie” took note, he was flashing the scowled look at me throughout the night. Clearly he knew I was laughing at him all night instead of with him. Poor “Ronnie.” We ended up leaving shortly after some peer pressure by the classy partygoers to go to the clubs. Eh, no thanks. I’m sure the clubs would promise even more entertainment but I do have some self-respect. The whole way home we laughed about the party. We’re still laughing.

Cologne, Gasoline and Italian Sausage

There’s an area downtown littered with bars that attracts douche bags and sluts. In fact, you might find those Jersey Shore fucks fist pumping there…Snooki came to town just a few months back! Wait that probably isn’t something to brag about. Anyways, it’s rare I stumble down douche drive but when I do I try my best to make sure I’m good and drunk. This particular night a few years ago was a success! I drank enough booze to fuel two lawnmowers. Believe me, after spending a night at these bars you’d have to drink at least that much just to stop yourself from choking on your own vomit all night. One sure sign that I’ve had too much to drink is when my mouth salivates at the sight of the truck that serves greasy meat, or as it’s known around here, “Street Meat”. Tasty, right? We joined the line and started with the usual small talk while waiting to order.

“What are you getting?”

“I dunno, maybe a cheeseburger. What are you getting?”

While my friends and I are having this delicious conversation the guy in line ahead of me decides to chime in with his wise words as he overhears that I want an Italian sausage.

“Hey, I got your Italian sausage right here!” he says while grabbing his bulge which I’m sure was 97% balls and 3% wiener. Instantly I was impressed with his wit, creativity and originality. I turned my head slowly to share my look of disgust and noticed that he was the epitome of a douche bag. He was wearing black dress shoes, ripped jeans with a button down shirt that seemed to have lost a lot of buttons, gold chains, at least three bottles of gel in his hair to get it to blow out all nice like and he smelled like he rubbed every cologne sample he could find from a magazine all over his body. Were his eyebrows waxed? I don’t remember.

I started by ignoring his comment which only made him say it louder and more often. The genius and his comrades laughed as he continued to tell me what I could do with his sausage (or cocktail wiener), he was right where I wanted him. Suddenly I started to comment on his offensive odor.

“Oh, God! What is that smell?” I started to sniff heavily as my friends nervously laughed. “Ugh! Oh! Oh, God! It smells so bad! Do you smell that?” I said to the prize standing next to me.

“Uh, no.”

“Oh, God…it smells like cologne...like really, really bad cologne. You don’t smell that?” He knew it was him.

“No,” he said while his smile escaped his face.

“Oh my God! It’s horrible! Someone really reeks!” I continued to yell as he tried to ignore me. This wasn’t working. I had to take it a step further. The car parked on the street behind me smelled like it was leaking gasoline. Perfect. “Is that gasoline? Do you guys smell gasoline?” I asked my friends. They encouraged me to stop and I was not going to let that happen. This was just about to get good! I was crossing the line and it felt so right, so good. I continued to sniff around and yell that someone smelled like gasoline and cologne. My Italian sausage friend kept looking over at me and he looked angry. This held so much more satisfaction than any name I could call him!

“Do you smell gasoline?” I asked him.

“No, not really,” he said while trying to blow me off.

“Ugh!” I moaned over the stench, “It smells so bad! Like gasoline and cologne.” I continued to dramatically sniff while his friends ordered their street meat until I finally sealed the deal and began to put my nose as close as I could to his body and inhaled deeply.

“What the fuck are you doin’?” he yelled.

“Oh my God! I think it’s you!” I shouted. “It’s you!”

“Sssssstoooop,” my friends whispered as I continued to ignore them.

“What?! No it’s not you crazy bitch!”

“No, it really is you!” I leaned in closer, “You smell like gasoline…and cologne.” I said this a few more times until I could feel him glaring down at me.

Our eyes met as I was practically resting my head on his chest. Right at that very tender moment a cab pulled up in front of the car that smelled like gasoline and a skinny, blonde kid in his twenties stepped out. Italian sausage spun around and knocked the kid out with a punch and took off running. Blondie laid on the cement in shock as a small crowd started to form. We decided pizza seemed like a better option and left.

Bartonville, Illinois: Always Room For One More

When the weather becomes extreme I tend to want the complete opposite weather. Sometimes the winter around here feels like it will never end and all I can dream is a warm, sandy beach with waves gently crashing onshore while I sip a strong margarita. But I’m typing this while in the beginning of a heat wave and there is nothing I want more than to build a snowman and watch some football. Grass is always greener, right? Well, I think I found something to melt that snowman and be thankful for no snow on the roads!

Looks like a road trip to Bartonville, Illinois is in my future! How exciting! Oh, Bartonville! Known for…well, um…is it near Chicago? OK, OK, so it’s a suburb about three hours away from Chicago and it’s not as lame as it sounds! Sitting in Bartonville is an old asylum that was abandoned during 1973. The now decaying, vandalized buildings, that used to be part of Peoria State Hospital, certainly are not completely abandoned. There are ghost stories that will raise a brow of any skeptic. By no means am I a skeptic, I’ve seen and heard plenty. I try to hold in my giggles when I come across a non-believer, I’ve been with many skeptics before and they have witnessed the same events and are now full on believers. Something tells me that this place with convert any skeptic! But it’s not so much the idea of experiencing anything supernatural that intrigues me.

I’ve always been fascinated with the insane. None of us are completely sane (if you are…you’re probably the most insane individual out there). It’s interesting how the definition of sanity evolved over time. What is sane now was insane and many innocent, healthy people were locked away to never join society again. If your child was born on a full moon it would be considered possessed, instantly insane and taken away to the loony bin to live his life. Torture was certainly common and considered a treatment, not to mention basic abuse and neglect. Lobotomies, branding and blood draining, OH MY! Sounds like the men and women behind these hospitals were lunatics themselves, but that was the norm. Most asylums were created to keep the “crazies” locked up and away from the public, like a prison. And most “patients” were treated as prisoners instead of receiving the care and treatment needed. The Peoria State Hospital was a revolutionary hospital that had no bars on doors or windows, no restraints. Were inhumane treatments practiced on patients? I’m not sure, but I’d love to find out!

The Bartonville Insane Asylum is actually open for tours! It would be an absolute treat to learn more about this hospital, patients, staff and history. Overnight paranormal tours are offered, but I’d love to walk and talk with someone familiar with the grounds and history. Tropical destinations are overrated anyways. I know what you’re thinking…I’m crazy.

Tequila Soul Mate

After four strong margaritas and a delicious Mexican meal I decided to venture over to a local music store that specializes in records, tapes and CD's. I was feeling spontaneous and ready to make a few purchases that I probably couldn't afford, most likely the tequila's fault. The tequila was probably to blame for the rest of my night, but I love it too much to point a finger. Anywho, the frizzy, long haired man with outdated glasses working behind the counter asked if he could help me find anything while I was looking at the same three albums over and over again in the jazz section.

"Yeah, I can't seem to find any Anita O'Day," I said. His little eyes widened behind those brownish-clear frames and he let out what sounded like a gasp. Was I drooling? He continued to stare at me for a moment and then began to stumble on his words. I let out an "Oh!" out of nervousness.

"It's just some guy was just in here asking for the same thing," he said as I felt relieved that it wasn't my appearance that sent him into a state of shock.

"Oh really? That's kinda weird," I said while following him into a separate room dedicated to jazz vocalists. He pointed out the section that sadly only had two O'Day records to choose from. "Maybe we're soul mates," I said jokingly about the man who was looking for the same artist as myself.

"Yeah, it was some British guy, he literally asked for her no more than five minutes ago..."

"WHAT?!" I interrupted, "British?! Oh my god, where is he?" I said while frantically looking around the store for a man that I was sure to marry. This is when I realized the nerdy guy who was helping me was now looking at me like I was insane.

"He...must...of...just...left," He said slowly. Surely I frightened this guy, but he was trying to play it cool. "But if you hurry, you might be able to catch him."

I quickly thanked him, found my friend and we left. We never found a man with a British accent but I did proceed later that night to vomit after seeing a man on television with, what I hope to be, moles covering an entire half of his face. If only my British soul mate knew what he was missing out on...

Figuring Out the Three Dimentions

After forming a quick opinion on the new 3-D nonsense in Hollywood I thought that I should I sit down and think about why I felt so strongly against 3-D movies becoming so mainstream and popular. I knew one thing for sure, I did not want 3-D movies to take over the film industry. I picture giant cartoon movie screens with skinny legs and arms stomping on the famous Hollywood sign while showing mediocre cinema, claiming to be three dimensional. How can you not fear and hate this three dimensional craze?! Oh and I'm sure there's some sort of condition that follows an excessive viewing of 3-D! Take a good long look at the special people in your life before your eyes begin to rot! Ok, Ok, maybe I got a little carried away, but you really can't help but wonder what the future holds for 3-D film.

Here's exactly what I want out of a 3-D movie:

1. Actual 3-D experience. I want to jump, duck and sway in my seat. Don't make me feel like I could have gotten the same satisfaction by looking at the hologram sticker on my book mark. I want to leave that theater with a dribble or two of pee in my skivvies.

2. Awesome assortment of glasses. Lenses must also be a choice. I don't want to have the same glasses as everyone else. It scares me a little. I want my glasses to suit my mood or the film. I even want the choice of black lenses or red and blue lenses, I feel like it would be an important choice. Generic styles should be offered at the theater, but different styles should be available for purchase if not at the theaters then at local stores. And of course I wouldn't mind themed glasses paired with the movie periodically.

3. Only certain movies should be allowed in 3-D. In other words, it better be a bomb-ass action flick, a slapstick comedy or some great B-movies. To make sure that the trend doesn't go overboard (like taking over Hollywood and other mischief) 3-D movies should only be shown at small cinemas and theatres...not the ones with stadium seating that's playing the new Bruce Willis film on five different screens.

And that's how I feel about 3-D movies. They should be made because they are fun and I want to have fun watching them...silly, yet interested. Is that really so much to ask for?

Lost: At the Gates of Hell

It only took me about a week to get over my Lost hangover. Last week's episode defined the phrase "mind fuck." I had condensed my notes on Lost down to about eight pages and my theory written down in note form on one page, after last week's episode my notes are now onto page fourteen and growing.

So the island is like hell's gate, keeping all the evil and darkness internal and from escaping. Who saw this coming? I'll admit one of my theories was that everyone was dead and they were in hell, but this is much more complicated. We don't know if they are alive or dead. If they are dead then there has to be some explanation as to why some went home, off the island. I'm not sure that they are dead. I think there is a good possibility that they escaped death and are being given a second chance to fix their fucked up lives. However, it's just not that simple. There are so many different things going on that I'm just left confused. If the island is like a seal, preventing evil from escaping, then what was the Dharma Initiative's purpose of being there and why recruit all those people to come to the island? Were they trying to get to hell? Or were they wanting that suction layer for time travel purposes? Were they all candidates?

Jacob and the man in black (MIB) have this fun little game they play. The MIB says that everyone is corruptible while Jacob disagrees, therefore bringing people to the island to prove the MIB wrong. To play "fair" (we don't know if Jacob is good or evil yet) he does not get involved because he wants the person to figure out right vs. wrong with no help...how sweet. However, he brought the Black Rock over with Richard on board and spent over a hundred years telling Richard what to do...something smells fishy. A crazy, confused Richard tells the losties that everything Jacob has said is a lie. He could be on to something. Or is Jacob good and plays devil's advocate in hopes that someone will make the right decision? Since balance is always a theme on the island and if Jacob is good then his nemesis, MIB, must be bad. Is it the other way around? Or are they both on the same side?

We know that MIB will do anything to get off the island and that means killing and conning. It's funny how we started out fearing the smoke monster and then somehow becoming sympathetic towards him...I mean, he's called a monster. But forgetting who someone is or forgetting who someone was is the key here. Has this happened to anyone else? Ben. Remember when we first met Ben? He was lying, pretending to be someone he wasn't to get a feel for the situation with the losties. He ended up being manipulative and just a horrible person, doing anything he wanted in his favor. Then all of a sudden we find ourselves feeling sorry for him. We've seen the smoke monster examine someone, figuring out if he can use that person to get what he wants. If MIB sees something in that persons history that is worth keeping them around for then he spares his/her life. But with the MIB, he then shape shifts into someone of significance to that person as a con, manipulating thoughts and actions. The smoke monster has killed countless people but yet I joined Team Smokey fairly quick. Now we're being reminded that MIB is not someone to feel sorry for...or is he? We don't know his full story yet. He has told us that he was once a man who had feelings and emotions and lost someone. Now he is (for what we know) immortal, no longer has feeling and is a slave on the island trying to escape and killing anyone who gets in his way. Should we feel sorry for him? Is he working for the devil? Is he just misunderstood or pure evil? Did he make a deal with the devil? We know that Dogen made a deal with Jacob in order for his son to live. The old "make a deal with the devil" storyline could be in effect! So is Jacob the devil? Or is he just some creeper keeper of the gates of hell, deciding who gets in and out?

Sayid is infected and apparently it's too late for him to leave the island. Dogen planed on killing him with a pill. So I guess that's one way we know will kill the smoke monster, poison. Another way to kill old Smokey is with a special dagger. This ancient dagger was given to Sayid from Dogen to kill MIB before he said a word. The MIB had it in his possession before losing it to Jacob (how Dogen got it) and gave it to Richard to kill "the devil" (Jacob) with the same instructions. Does this mean we can assume poison will kill Jacob too? And then Claire, poor Claire. She put her mom in a coma and didn't want her unborn son, but we still love the little hopeless blonde with the cute accent. It's fair to say that Sayid's balance between good and evil within himself was a little heavy on the dark scale, but I'm not so sure that holds truth with Claire. She obviously made a deal somewhere along the way, was it to get her mother out of the coma? Did it have to do with Aaron? Will she be saved because she is Christian's daughter (more on that later)? Is she Jacob's mole? Or is she truly on Team Smokey?

How did Claire become infected? Was it when the Others took her and gave her injections? Was it when Mr. Eko baptized her? Water and evil have a lot in common on the island. Sayid became infected after being submerged in the Temple's spring. He then drowned Dogen in the spring...will he also resurrect with the infection or is he just dead because of some protection from Jacob? Jacob repeatedly pushed Richard's head in and out of the ocean and then gave him a "gift" of living forever. Mr. Eko baptized Claire and Aaron in the ocean after all the speculation behind Aaron being in danger. No matter what, it's safe to assume that if Claire is infected then so is Aaron. So now we have someone who is infected and not on the island. What does this mean? Maybe because he isn't on the island he won't be affected? That might explain why Claire warned Kate in her dream not to bring Aaron back to the island.

The Shepard men all have some connection with the island. This can't be a coincidence. Let's start with the most obvious Shepard, Jack. Ok, so we all know how Jack got on the island (plane crash, dummy) and then he saw his father, Christian, on the island and he wasn't the only one who saw him. We also know that Jack's grandfather (Christian's father) was leaving to go to the island. Aaron (who is actually Christian's grandson) was born on the island...and babies aren't supposed to be born on the island (probably because the devil hates adorable babies or something like that) and he has also escaped death multiple times. So what it is with these Shepard men and the island? Are they all decedents of some sort? Do they inherit a role on the island or were they all just candidates?

Oh and as for those candidates, they're all about to die. MIB told Jacob that he would kill him to get off the island (it being the only way). But Jacob throws in a zing saying that someone will replace him (a candidate) and the MIB simply replies that he will kill them too. So the numbers might not even matter anyone because they're all going to be killed...and I'm guessing sooner than later. It was swell while it lasted!

And here's something that we might have forgotten after the big "OMFG R U SERIOUS??? LOLZ" moment...Whidmore and his men are on the island. Why the fuck does Whidmore want to be on this hellhole(literally)? Charles Whidmore was exiled from the island by Ben and then spent years trying to find the island again. What did the island offer him? What are the rules that Whidmore and Ben have? Are they similar to the rules between Jacob and MIB?

And finally, some random tid bits and questions:

+Ilana made a deal with Jacob and she is protecting the candidates (like Dogen), what did she bargain? Her life? Someone else? Why was she so badly injured?

+How will David (Jack's son) fit into the pattern of the Shepard men and the island? Who is his mother?

+Richard's wife, Isabella, appeared to him on the island. She warned him that the devil was coming and then the smoke monster swallowed her whole. So who was Isabella and who was the smoke monster? Can Jacob turn into a smoke monster too?

+The lighthouse. Remember the lighthouse? Jack had a temper tantrum and smashed the mirrors. We know the mirrors showed a certain location once turned to the right setting (Jack saw his childhood house) and we also know that using a mirror and the sun was a way the Others communicated with one another from long distances on the island. Now that those mirrors are broken at the lighthouse, what does that affect? There are Others off the island, Eloise Hawkings, Daniel's mother, for one...who had some sort of contraption to find/communicate with the island. Will no one be able to find the island anymore?

+Who will win the candidacy? Will anybody be left alive after the MIB has his way? Once a replacement is chosen for Jacob can he change the rules of letting the MIB go? If MIB goes, does he need a replacement?

+Is the flash sideways a reward in MIB and Jacob's game? Losers go to hell or become infected winners get a do-over in life? Sounds...fair (gulp).

+Back to the water...what is making them infected in the water? We know that the island is keeping the evil in, but what about the water? Jacob and Eko used the ocean while Sayid and Dogen used the spring. Does this matter? Is the ocean good water and the spring bubbling it's way to the islands surface straight from hell? Remember that at one point that had to swim under fresh water (the spring) to get inside. Also the underwater station in the ocean that Charlie drowned in. But there is something else we have to remember, MIB gave Richard water to drink while he was still chained to the Black Rock. And rain seems to foreshadow danger, which could just be a clue, but it holds true to this water theory.

+Richard wants to switch sides. I'm excited to see this transformation. NERD ALERT!!

Help Name My Phobia

I have a new obsession/phobia...eyelashes. I've always been aware of my eyelashes, trying to feel them sprouting out of my eyelids or recognizing when they slide up against the lenses of my glasses, lightly pressing, tugging and even curling them up with my index finger. I've paid close attention to my lashes over the years for a complete unknown reason. And now this eyelash fascination as turned on me. You see this is a picky phobia. I'm only sceeved out by closed eyes, therefore I'm not afraid of my own eyelashes.

I should state that I've never been afraid of eyelashes in anyway before a few weeks ago.

This all started when I was holding a sleeping toddler and my eyes fixed on her eyelashes. I could feel my eyes widen as my heart began to pump harder and harder. Sweat started slowly seeping out of my body in a thin, cool layer. Her long lashes look entangled and visions started flashing in my head. Started as spider legs and then forming into stitches.

Now I'm noticing closed eyes all the time and no matter how hard I try not to look, I find myself fixated on the tiny hairs, sprouting out of the eyelid, coming together and interlocking. Longer eyelashes heighten the fear and the longer the eyes are closed and the closer I am to the face, the longer I stare and create horrific feelings. I did a quick online search and found no name for an eyelash phobia so I thought that maybe I should create a name. The rule behind naming a phobia, as I understand, is that the name must be Greek because the word "phobia" is a Greek word.

So I present to you...(drumroll)...candidates for my closed eyelash phobia:

eyelidfringephobia,
blepharisphobia (greek word for eyelash)
belpharphobia
closedbelpharphobia
clistbelpharpobia (greek word for shut)
cleistobelpharpobia

By the way, this blog took me all night, I struggled at the thought of eyelashes the entire time. Then I wanted to find a picture that shows what fuels the fear. The search for the perfectly scary eyelashes (not too short, not too long) gave me anxiety. And along the way I came across ridiculously scary eyelashes that curled up to the forehead and rested upon the cheeks (eek!). Here's a picture of what is almost exactly what I was describing earlier:

Lost: Nobody's Perfect

Cons, lies and coming clean...sounds like my last relationship, but really it was last night's episode of Lost. We were reminded of how effective lying really is when it comes to getting what we want, oh and murder. Is that really so different from real life? We believe what we want to hear and we listen extra hard to the one holding a gun. A constant on and off the island.

"You're the best liar I've ever met" -Smokey

While we were knee deep in James Ford a.k.a. Sawyer last night it was hard not to notice the comparison between him and Smokey. Parallels are nothing new on Lost and for a split second I swear Smokey explained why we are seeing the flash sideways, but more of that later! In a nutshell, Sawyer and Smokey are both extremely good lairs, making them the two best con men on the island. We know Sawyer was a con man before the crash and then joined the Dharma Initiative later (or earlier) when they time traveled, taking the name LaFleur and becoming head of security. In his flash sideways, Sawyer goes by Jim and is a cop...with "LaFleur" being the code for when help is needed. Coincidence? Destiny? Speaking of, Miles is his partner in the flash sideways and sets Jim up on a date (which he later ruins) with Charlotte. Jim lies to Miles in the flash sideways about his past and then comes clean, confessing about the death of his parents and the man, Sawyer, that caused all the misery in his life. Smokey has conned just about everyone to join his side on the island. I want to trust Smokey, but can we? He tells Sawyer that he is the smoke monster, which is true but sometimes the truth can lead into a great lie or con as Sawyer shows us by his twist with Charles Whidmore. Smokey opens up to Kate too but adds in that he is the one responsible for Claire's attack and then dishes out his own parental sob story about his own mother...comparing himself in a way to Aaron. Then Claire gets thrown into this mix! Smokey lied to Claire about Aaron to get her on his side, then tells her the truth causing her to breakdown in Kate's arms only moments after trying to kill her. Con, lie, confess, trust, con, lie....anyone else sensing a pattern?

Breaking up is hard to do!

One theory I've noted before is that when anyone has been romantic with someone on the island something bad happens, just like how trouble seems to follow the rain. Let's take a look at some of the lovers on the island: Shannon and Sayid, Libby and Hurley, Charlotte and Daniel, Sawyer and Juliet...all resulting in the lady dying. Sawyer and Kate slept together though and Kate didn't die, could they be destined to be together? That's cute but please pass the complimentary barf bag. In the flash sideways Jim (Sawyer) and Charlotte slept together on their date. Will Charlotte die? Will Sawyer die? And then that pesky, mind fucking question appears again! What happens if someone dies in their flash sideways?

What up, Smokey!?

Smokey gives us the old "kill or be killed" line, telling us it's the only way off the island. Where will he stop though? He gives a rather contradicting speech about protecting everyone. Can we seriously trust Smokey? I have trusting issues so maybe I'm looking into this a little bit more than the next person...

The Ultimate Con

I'm not sure who is conning who. I want to believe and trust that Sawyer and Smokey are going to team up against Whidmore, but we can't be so sure. Sawyer gets conned himself on the Hydra Island (the island the Others once called home) and is taken upon the sub to chat it up with Charles Whidmore...the man just about everyone hates. Sawyer promises to deliver Smokey to Whidmore (which leaves us to believe that Whidmore knows how to kill Smokey) in return that Whidmore and his people don't harm whoever comes with Sawyer and that they can leave the island. Whidmore has broken a deal before though with Ben (killing Alex was breaking a deal they made), so we know we can't hold Whidmore completely to his word. Sawyer returns to Smokey and tells him the truth, adding in that using Smokey as a pawn will get them off the island. But Smokey gives an intense look when Sawyer tells him Charles Whidmore is on the island. Is Whidmore the one who trapped Smokey? Sawyer and Smokey are practically the same person....so is Charles Whidmore Smokey's Sawyer? Is Smokey looking for that one person to kill in hopes of making his troubles disappear? One thing is for sure, it'll be very interesting to see how this plan works out. There's a plane and a sub on Hydra Island. Frank will be able to fly that plane (hopefully)...but who knows how to drive the sub? Who else is on the sub? Daniel maybe? Desmond???

On a side note, anyone else finding this new Sayid annoying?

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99

Instructions: The post is a list of 99 things you could have done, and you are supposed to bold the ones that you yourself have done.

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disney World

8. Climbed a mountain

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch I've always learned better independently. I taught myself how to write when I was three. Isn't it funny I go to school for writing? I've taught myself different writing styles. Crafty things and I'm currently teaching myself photography.

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked (no, but I've picked them up before)

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset

31. Hit a home run

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language I'm told that I could understand and would translate my little brother's own language as a kid, I have no memory of this though.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied In 8th grade...yes. I bought myself a laptop and still had extra money for a while. (I've never had that much money in my life since then)

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David

41. Sung karaoke

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie It's never been released and I really hope it does one day...wait, no I don't.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book (but I have many ideas!)

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

86. Visited the White House (not inside though)

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox ...TWICE!

89. Saved someone’s life I don't know if I saved anyone's life, but I have definitely been in a few serious situations where I took part in rescuing/helping someone.

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous Hmm...I'm too tired to think, here are my favorites: Lisa Lampanelli, Mitch Hedberg, Dave Attell, Lewis Black, Dane Cook, Buffalo Sabres players and alumni, also a handful of Buffalo Bills players over the years, William Beckett of The Academy Is..., oh and Brett Butler.

92. Joined a book club

93. Got a tattoo

94. Had a baby

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

Previously on Lost...

Benjamin Linus

Ben seems to understand what happened to him on the island and is using his past experiences to help him make decisions in the flash sideways. Is that right or is he just a better person all of a sudden? In the flash sideways he chooses Alex over his job, unlike on the island. How does Ben remember? Did he know this would happen? Has it happened before? The second chance aspect is a little lame for my liking....but I get it. Fate or destiny still trumps all in the land of Lost though, Ben will always be a killer (sound familiar?...Sayid) and he will always be a follower just short of becoming a leader. Ok...boring! Let's get into some good ol' mind bending fun! Ben's father is alive in the flash sideways, so is Russo and Alex. What about Ben's mother? Is she alive in the flash sideways and what significance does she have? Which brings up the boggling question of death...on and off the island. What happens if someone dies on the island in their flash sideways (Charlie, Boone, Shannon, Libby, Anna Lucia....)? What happens to the person on the island if they die in their flash sideways?

Donald Lawrence Reynolds

Who is this man? Have we met him before? He's principal of the school Linus and Locke work (at in the flash sideways), making him the boss. He also is sleeping with Karen, the flight attendant, an Other and caretaker of the children that survived the tail end of the crash. We've been waiting, almost patiently, for her story and it looks like Reynolds is going to help explain a few things...I hope. If Reynolds is so powerful in the flash sideways then what/who was he before?

Sayid Jarrah

It's clear that the infection is beginning to take over Sayid's body. It would appear that the magic spring is just like Jacob, gives you a gift (life) but really a curse (infection). It's not just the infection though that leaves you cursed, it turns you evil. I like the idea of Sayid being evil. I know the poor guy has been trying to turn his life around, but with his past he can be an ultimate bad guy. I'm excited!

Sawyer

Where the fuck is Sawyer?! Seriously.

Richard Halpert

Was Richard a slave or prisoner on The Black Rock? I'm a little confused on how he got to the island, but I guess that makes sense. If he wasn't recruited to the island like everyone else then why did he devote his life to Jacob? He was touched by Jacob, so maybe he was recruited but even Richard doesn't know what he's doing on the island. Richard opens a lot though. He tells us that after a touch from Jacob you cannot self destruct (did Jacob touch Charlie?), this also means that Locke would not have been able to hang himself as he planned. He also hints that he might be part of the smoke monster...except maybe he becomes one with the smoke monster against his will, he didn't seem to thrilled about what happened at the temple. We know that Richard is afraid of Smocke and now he tells Jack and Hurley not to listen to Jacob. Will a third group be started now? Or are there really only two groups?

Smocke/Jacob

Could Smocke and Jacob be the same being, representing good and evil in their own way? Lost has definitely been laying the balance theme heavily on us lately. So could they be the same? Maybe the death of Jacob was a result of an inner power struggle between the good and bad? I feel like I need to check out some old Spy Vs Spy cartoons to explain this better. They met on the beach and again right before Jacob's death, so they must be able to seperate. Think minibots from Transformers or even Power Rangers...this isn't a new concept. They great thing about the fantastic is that anything is possible.

Speaking of, was Locke ever really Locke on the island? Jacob touched everyone before they got on that plane but Locke was the only one dead when Jacob touched him. Did he transfer Smokey immediately into Locke's body?

Also, since the magic spring in the temple is so similar to Jacob, could it explain Jacob's origin???

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Lost: I'll Make Him an Offer He Can't Refuse

I'm jumping right into this one...

I was disappointed that the Smoke Monster showed up as Locke to Sayid in the jungle. I understand that he is stuck in Locke's body, but I was hoping that Shannon was going to come out of the bushes and Sayid would have to kill her. No dice. If the Smoke Monster always shows himself as someone who died recently then I wonder what or who Locke saw? Any ideas? Locke said that whatever he saw was beautiful. Did Claire see her father or was it Charlie? It makes no sense that she would leave Aaron behind willingly, I'm still waiting for an explaination. Anyone remember exactly what that psychic told Claire?

Speaking of explanations...where did all those recruiters come from that were behind Smocke? There were even children thrown in the mix. Where they from the temple? If so, how did he recruit them? And where is Sawyer? Wasn't he following Smocke? Unless he got lost (haha, no pun intended) while Smocke turned into the Smoke Monster. So...is Smocke evil or just trying to save himself and everyone else?

I loved last night's episode! This whole "selling your soul" business always makes a story. :)




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Everybody Has A Story

"A film is - or should be - more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later." -Stanley Kubrick


I haven't talked about any films lately. I've been spending majority of my free time catching up on some movies...mostly Oscar related films, but a few other goodies thrown into the mix. Here's a bunch of film's I've seen recently followed by a few words. :)

Julie & Julia: A cute movie...that's about all. Meryl Streep does a phenomenal job playing Julia Child, but isn't that expected? Oh and I might have developed a girl crush on Amy Adams.

District 9: I'm still not sure what to think about this movie. The aliens reminded me of Transformers. I found myself asking myself why I was watching the movie and then something cool would happen. The film was like something we had seen before but with a slight twist. We've all seen fugitive movies, so it was just like any one of those except with a few new surprises.

Cold Souls: I liked it. Reminded me of a blend between Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I guess it's more like a work of a fan of Charlie Kaufman's films...like a parody almost except no humor. The film leaves you feeling a little depressed but able to walk away with (an overplayed) good message.

Hausu (House): A terrific Japanese horror film from the 70's! Full of unnecessary nonsense and laughs. A great movie to watch with a group of friends with sick humor.

Shutter Island: A beautiful, crazy, wet film. Made to look like an old B-movie, Scorsese pulls it off! By no means his masterpiece, but still worth a look.

The Informant!: Matt Damon plays an informant for the F.B.I. (based on a true story) that takes place in the 90's. Matt Damon is hilarious but the movie drags for what seems forever.

The Hurt Locker: Beautifully done by Kathryn Bigelow. My heart was beating fast almost during the entire film. I'm usually not a fan of war movies, but this one stands out from the rest. It's a different story. The Hurt Locker is definitely taking home a few Academy Awards this year.

Alice in Wonderland (1933): I've never done acid, but if I took some before this film I'd probably be crying in the corner, sitting in a puddle of my own urine. The movie followed the books by Lewis Caroll pretty accurately for the most part except it threw in it's own "trippiness", which surprised me since it was filmed in the 30's. The costumes are amazing if you consider The Depression was going on and the studio filled them with a star studded cast! I wouldn't say the film was that good, but it was highly amusing.

Cape Fear (1991): My first time ever seeing Cape Fear and I loved it. A little rapey and crazy, but sometimes a film has to take that route to be a good film. De Niro is amazing and creepy, leaving you confused if wither you should trust him or fear him, the feeling tingles in your stomach during the movie. I would highly recommend this film...if you can handle all the creepy rape-like scenes.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant: I actually thought this movie was amusing. It had a great cast except for the cry baby tough guy...watch the movie, you'll see what I mean. The movie reminded of great adventure movies from the 80's...just a fun, predictable and thoughtless movie. :)

It's Complicated: I don't understand all the hype with this film. Was it the joints? I'm not sure and I'm even more unsure about the award nominations...

Grey Gardens: A little hard to watch at times, but such a good story about Jackie O's aunt and cousin. Drew Barrymore is outstanding. If you like A&E's Hoarders then you'll love this movie!

Fantastic Mr. Fox: Hilarious and smart with a great cast! I loved the animation and art and the characters were exactly what I wanted. There's not too many animated films that portray adults that drink, curse, fight and smoke to be the "good guys". Would I let kids watch it? I absolutely would, it's great for kids and adults. Just be prepared to explain some scenes.

An Education: I wanted to like this movie more than I did, but it was still good. I found it all a little hard to take in because of some things that I found a little inconsistent...or maybe it was just me? I did enjoy it though, I just thought some things were a little unbelievable.

Zombieland: I'm a sucker for zombie movies so of course I loved this movie! OK, so the the comedy, action, cast and the secret celebrity won me over too. Go see this if you like to laugh and watch zombie's get double tapped at the same time!

Up In The Air: I understand the hype behind this film, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with it. The movie left me depressed and bored. I thought it was predictable. Yawn.

Point Break: Another "older" movie that I hadn't seen before. I really dislike Keanu Reeve's, but this role really was prefect for him. Patrick Swayze, Nick Nolte and him made a great action flick that puts you on the edge of your seat (sorry for the cliche, but it's true!). The surfing scenes are fun too!

Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy (1976): An adult film about Alice's adventures in Wonderland while taking a journey to womanhood. The porn actually followed the books nicely and was funny. I found myself enjoying the film and considering it more of a comedy than a pornographic film...and then I saw a penis penetrate three woman from behind, one right after another.

Those are all the ones I can remember from the past two months or so. I plan on checking out Avatar, The Blind Side, A Serious Man, Crazy Heart, A Simple Man and Alice in Wonderland (2010) in 3-D before next Sunday. Stay tuned! Oscars are only a week away!!!

Ain't Nobody Gonna Bring Me Down

I've noticed lately that the things that usually irritate me haven't really been bothersome. I didn't pay much attention to my cool demeanor until just a few days ago. I had to call a collection agency to ask them to delay a payment because I didn't have enough money in my account and the woman was a total bitch on the phone. I never got mad. Here I was, broke as broke could be and getting yelled out at on the phone for not having enough money in my bank account. I should have yelled back. The reason I didn't have enough money in my account was because I couldn't afford the last payment. I didn't even raise my voice. I'm fact, I think I annoyed her that I wasn't getting angry. Why didn't that bother me? Why didn't I tell that bitch I was gonna punch her in her fucking teeth?

And why haven't I been mad about how poor I am? I'm in a never ending cycle of being poor. I can't afford my school loan payments. They leave me with insufficient funds, I dig myself out of the negative balance hole for about a week or so and then I'm back in it. I have been rolling coins and selling personal possessions for gas money. So why haven't I broke down (no pun intended...but I'm leaving it that way) and cried? It's like I just don't care.

Nothing has changed at work either. I'm extremely underpaid and working at least 55 hours a week with only 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Someone on unemployment makes the same amount that I do. I said something earlier this week about needing more money and I heard, "Well we're so broke from our trip to Jamaica that we can't pay our mortgage." I should have went into all the outstanding bills I have, but instead it didn't bother me. I've been getting out late every night this week and haven't cared.

Even my road rage has declined dramatically! I usually grip my steering wheel with white knuckles and thrash my body around calling someone (it's about to get nasty) a fucking cunt eating fuckhead asshole or just scream. I've been a much more relaxed driver, letting people in front of me and I haven't been tailgating anyone!

What caused such a change in me? I smoke a lot of pot in my free time, but that's been going on for years...I doubt it's the weed. I became a full vegetarian about a month or so ago...could the lack of meat be what's causing the calm? But I've never really liked meat (I used to eat it to be polite) so that can't be it. Then it dawned on me. I'm in love. The world has been trying to bring me down and I've been giving the world and it's problems the cold shoulder. I can't even remember the last time I was this happy. Maybe it was 2003? The year doesn't matter, what matters is that I'm happy. I'm actually happy. Happy. Go on, say it...happy. And oddly enough the last time I was happy was the last time I was with this boy. I've had my share of boyfriends and although he's not exactly what the average girl looks for in a guy, I love him and no one has ever made me happier.

So while we're trying to get through the last few weeks of our winter blues, let's remember what or who makes us happy. Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you happy. Just get happy. :)

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Vampire Raves

Ok, so this entry has nothing to do with vampires waving around glow sticks and partying all night long. Sorry to disappoint! I've been obsessed with Vampire Weekend's new album Contra and The Raveonette's In and Out of Control. I highly recommend both these solid albums. I'm not going to say too much cause I'd rather you listen to the music then read this blog about vampires not taking animal tranquilizers and sweating to the beat. Give and listen and then get your hands on them!

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Lost: A Smoked Son Theory

Usually my LOST rants are just that, rants. Today I'm shaking it up! Instead of a list of questions and curse words I'm gonna actually piece those questions and curse words together into a theory! FUN!

Let's start with the two main characters from last night's episode: Jack and Claire. Jack and Claire share the same father which makes Aaron, Claire's son, Jack's nephew. Claire didn't want her baby but had no choice to keep him when their plane crashed. While Jack was off the island, after being rescued, he helped Kate raise Aaron...his nephew. We found out early in last night's episode that Jack has a son from a previous relationship, his name is David. And surprise, surprise...Jack isn't a great father. He has an awkward relationship with his son, in fact it appears that Jack didn't want David in his life at one point.

Let's recap before we move on: Jack and Claire are half siblings and both parents...Claire didn't want her baby and Jack didn't have a big part in his son's life. Oh and their father wasn't a peach either (Aaron and David's grandfather).

Ok, let's get back into this...

Claire has her baby and becomes a good mother, very nurturing, caring and protective. But then one night Claire "vanishes" into the Jungle and leaves Aaron behind. After listening to a conversation between Jack and David, Jack used to be a big part in his son's life and then there must have been some falling out at some point. In the alt world Jack thinks he lost David and realizes how much he wants to be in David's life. And Aaron will probably never know who his father is because Aaron's father wasn't going to be part of his life (unless they tell him his father was Charlie).

So...Claire and Jack both lost their children and both kids have daddy issues. It's safe to say that Claire and Jack have daddy issues themselves too.

Are you following this so far?

In the bizarro world Jack fixes his relationship with his son, they go off into the night talking about eating pizza...(snore!) But in the "real" world Jack is on the island and he's there to fix himself, which I assume he's talking about his relationship with David (or any of his other SEVERAL failed relationships with his father, ex wife, Juliet, Kate...) Is he on the island to find his son? Claire has been on a mother fucking killing rampage trying to find her son on the island. She thinks the Others took her son but he's with Claire's mother.

Don't know where I'm going with this? Maybe it would make more sense if I described David. David has black hair, blue eyes and about thirteen-years-old (WHO IS HIS MOTHER?!). He was described in last night's episode as "gifted" and communication not being his strong suite. He's also sneaky and afraid of Jack. Does that sound like anybody on the island? Dark hair, blue eyes, special or gifted, poor communication skills, and sneaky. That's right, man who killed Jacob, the smoke monster using Locke's body.......or......Smocke! We've seen him before on the beach with Jacob, he had black hair and blue eyes. He's obviously gifted if he can turn into the smoke version of The Incredible Hulk and live in dead bodies. He's sneaky as hell too! Has Smocke ever interacted with Jack? I can't remember off hand, but I can't recall a time when the two met or had a conversation. So maybe Smocke is afriad of Jack?

Confused? Here's where my theory comes!

David is Smocke. Jack is looking for answers and to get fixed, Smocke has all the answers and Jack's son is what will fix him. And of course Smocke wants to be fixed too, if David is Smocke then when the two meet they can be fixed together! I know it seems far fetched and confusing, but we embraced a man being capable of turning into a smoke monster and inhabiting corpses pretty quickly. Him being Jack's son shouldn't be too hard to grasp. Anything is possible on the island.

Now if that's true then Claire's "friend" is really her long, lost nephew. So we now have four characters that are related in some fashion that are all fucked up because of one person: Christian Shepard (Jack and Claire's father). What do we know about Christian? Well, he's an asshole, an alcoholic, a bad father and may or may not be dead. He's also had connections with other people from the plane before the crash. So what is his deal? What's the story behind Jack and Claire's father? Could Christian be the reason why everyone is on the island? Like some sort of fucked up cowardly way of telling the truth, apologizing and teaching lessons? I hope not, but I guess it's possible. Or has it been Jacob all along?

So there it is, my theory on what happened last night. Take it or leave it, but I really think that David is Smocke and that Christian is a big part of the full story.

Other things from last night (quickly, I promise!):

-Jack is so stupid. Why would he shatter that mirror?! He threw a temper tantrum because he couldn't see Jacob? What a fucking cry baby. Get over all your shit, Jack!

-Claire is crazy. A baby made out of animal bones and fur?! Killing sprees to find your missing baby? Sounds a little too like Russo to me! Claire is dead, right? And what exactly happened to Claire? She said she escaped from the Temple...wtf? If Claire was infected that means she's dead, but how did Russo get in her body?

-Claire and Smocke...are they good of bad?

-Jacob is a manipulating ass.

-Who is David's mother? He looks to be a teenager which means it can't be Kate or Juliet. Jack never had a baby with his ex wife (that we know of) but even if they did David would be much younger. So it would appear Jack (once again) fucked up another relationship! Who is this mystery woman? Could she have a connection with the island? The plot thickens!

Oh and I'm loving all the Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass references during the entire series! I'll have to dedicate a blog to that in the future. ;)

I wrote this from my phone so I'm sure it's full of errors! Sorry! :)

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry