Sunday, April 18, 2010

Figuring Out the Three Dimentions

After forming a quick opinion on the new 3-D nonsense in Hollywood I thought that I should I sit down and think about why I felt so strongly against 3-D movies becoming so mainstream and popular. I knew one thing for sure, I did not want 3-D movies to take over the film industry. I picture giant cartoon movie screens with skinny legs and arms stomping on the famous Hollywood sign while showing mediocre cinema, claiming to be three dimensional. How can you not fear and hate this three dimensional craze?! Oh and I'm sure there's some sort of condition that follows an excessive viewing of 3-D! Take a good long look at the special people in your life before your eyes begin to rot! Ok, Ok, maybe I got a little carried away, but you really can't help but wonder what the future holds for 3-D film.

Here's exactly what I want out of a 3-D movie:

1. Actual 3-D experience. I want to jump, duck and sway in my seat. Don't make me feel like I could have gotten the same satisfaction by looking at the hologram sticker on my book mark. I want to leave that theater with a dribble or two of pee in my skivvies.

2. Awesome assortment of glasses. Lenses must also be a choice. I don't want to have the same glasses as everyone else. It scares me a little. I want my glasses to suit my mood or the film. I even want the choice of black lenses or red and blue lenses, I feel like it would be an important choice. Generic styles should be offered at the theater, but different styles should be available for purchase if not at the theaters then at local stores. And of course I wouldn't mind themed glasses paired with the movie periodically.

3. Only certain movies should be allowed in 3-D. In other words, it better be a bomb-ass action flick, a slapstick comedy or some great B-movies. To make sure that the trend doesn't go overboard (like taking over Hollywood and other mischief) 3-D movies should only be shown at small cinemas and theatres...not the ones with stadium seating that's playing the new Bruce Willis film on five different screens.

And that's how I feel about 3-D movies. They should be made because they are fun and I want to have fun watching them...silly, yet interested. Is that really so much to ask for?

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