A rat is among us

When I first joined Blogger and Twitter I saw both as a safe place. I guess I've considered both a journal in some sense. When I first joined Twitter in 2009 I think I knew only two other people who actually had accounts. Since then I've kept my Twitter account and blog fairly anonymous, only letting a few people know my handle. I love the anonymity behind Twitter! That's part of the fun! And somehow I've managed to avoid the nasty trolls I hear about on Twitter...but I have come across a rat. Well, I have an idea who the rat is. But really there's nothing I can say to that person, I never told him/her that I wanted to keep my Twitter account anonymous and I could have made my account private.

I never wanted my Twitter or blog accounts private because I want to be heard. I hope that someone connects to what I write no matter if it's on a personal level or we just have the same sense of humor. I've always felt the black sheep throughout life (I know, wah, wah, wah). Different from the rest (I'm a loner Dottie, a rebel). I didn't feel special or better than anyone, I felt awkward and like I didn't belong. I've especially felt that way in my family, more so than middle school or when I told my family I had a cheating, abusing boyfriend and no one seemed to care. Twitter and Blogger have always been ways of expressing myself, keyword being "myself". If you've paid attention to my rantings you probably know that I curse, think farts are funny and that I feel most uneasy around a certain family member. Somehow that family member knows my handle. I feel many things, mostly naked with a slice of betrayal. I certainly don't feel safe anymore.

I know it sounds childish, but I'm hoping it means new beginnings, I've decided to start anew. This will be my last blog posting here and I will be retiring the old creepygroovy handle. Don't worry, I plan on finding a new handle and if you're lucky, I just might start to follow you. As Stevie Ray Vaughn said, "you'll know me when you see me" or something like that.

Figuring Out How To Shut My Parents Up, Help Others And Pay My Bills

My mom said a lot of things to me while growing up that stuck with me. There is one thing that she used to say a lot to me that has been haunting me more so than lately, "You'll never amount to anything. You'll be living off of me and your father till you're thirty!" Well, thirty happens in April, I don't have a grown up job yet and I still get phone calls from my mom just to tell me how well my younger brothers are succeeding are life. You see, I've always been more curious about not sticking to the norms. I've argued with my parents numerous times about my beliefs and I've stuck to my guns, making my adolescence a bit rough and mostly screamed at...and grounded. We argued about everything, school, religion, food, politics, curse words. I gave up on school in middle school, just doing enough work to pass so I didn't get in trouble. I told my parents I thought the grading process was stupid and I basically only applied myself to what I thought was interesting...which from middle school on has still been minimal to date. I think the school system has gotten worse and needs a total makeover, it' s the reason I stopped halfway from getting a teaching degree. I've always been stubborn and I've especially been stubborn in life when I have to do things I don't want to do or believe in. I know it sounds childish, but I don't want to waste my time doing something I don't want to do.
I went to college to make my parents happy and to get internet in my bedroom. I didn't know what I wanted to do and I spent six years deciding what to do, I get a bill monthly for all that time. Over six years of college courses (I'm talking full semesters here people) I have an associates degrees in liberal arts, I have half the amount of credits needed for a bachelors degree in psychology, childhood education, film studies and (as of 2008, I believe) one class away from a creative writing  bachelors degree. On a job application though none of that matters, I have to mark associates degree on highest level of education. Sometimes that line from Tommy Boy comes across my mind, "Yeah, they're called doctors."
My youngest brother one time got mad at me for causing a family fight and asked why I had to be such a nonconformist. I explained to him that I couldn't help the way my brain thinks. One thing that my parents never could understand was that I didn't want a job without meaning and purpose. Sorry, but no desk job for me unless I'm saving puppies, babies or the elderly...catch my drift? Finding a job that interests me, gives back and pays my bills has been difficult, thinking of a career has honestly been just has difficult. I get sick in planes and cars so my dreams of being an astronaut and an archeologist were crushed along with anything else it seemed. One thing I've always known is that I want to be my own boss or work for someone with similar beliefs to my own. My parents would argue at this point to grow up and that isn't how life works. I in return would say fuck that and struggle until I reach my dream...and that's where I'm still at, struggling and stuck.
I've been racking my brain lately on how to prove my mom wrong, that I will amount to something, and also actually find something I want to amount to. My boyfriend and I started our own vegan baking catering business that we hope becomes successful one day, but for now we can't depend on cupcakes to pay our bills, someday but not today. I love our vegan lifestyle and I can't stress enough how much I wish I started eating and living this way years earlier. I've learned so much and I love the experimentations to "veganize" a recipe. There's definetely so much more to learn though. With that I may have finally figured out how to shut my mom up, help others and pay my bills!
Drumroll...I want to be a nutritionist! I've been looking into requirements and what it is nutritionists do and I think I'm excited. Look out world, I'm about to get you healthified. Yes, that's not a real word, that's just how healthy I'm gonna getcha...for a small fee of course, I have bills guys.

Blue Eyes Smiley Face Kathleen

I found this love note (dated 1/3/97) in an X-Files book I bought at a Salvation Army today. It was between pages 198 and 199.

Blue Eyes-
I miss you! I need to see you soon :). I am thinking of you all the time. I wish your arms were around me right now. I love you.
:) Kathleen

Besides the obvious questions...why the different color ink and pencil change? Why the bulgy, borderline creepy eyeballs on the smiley faces? I wonder if these two are still together? It would be cool to return the love note to them, if they want it back. Maybe it was just a love affair, but Kathleen meant something to Blue Eyes at some point. He kept her love note as a bookmark in probably the best piece of literature written (well, I'll let you know after I read it). Or maybe it was Kathleen's book and she wrote the note to a mystery man, with blue eyes, whom she kissed on new years and never gave him the note?! I think I'll hang on to this note for a while.

Thrift Store Treasure

Check out the awesome stuff I scored at a VOA and Salvo with my pal, VelociRachel! Six records, two choose your own adventure books, an X-Files book (with a love note included on page 199), a Pee Wee's Christmas special VHS, a Buffalo Bills 1992 AFC Champtions Mug from the Superbowl, a pair of rust colored J Crew cords and a hippie sweater to match! All for thirteen bucks and change. Veloc

Garden Update

Thought I would give a quick garden update from the last blog and share some more pictures! Between the heat and the rain that we finally got, this garden has been working overtime it seems. We've had some obstacles though. We have various wildlife in our neighborhood...which is odd since we are in the city just walking distance to Kodak. We have the usual garden pests like rabbits, bugs, chipmunks, mice/rats and birds. But we also have skunks, possums and a giant groundhog. One of those dug huge holes in our neighbors yard under the fence to get into ours after closing off a bunch of gaps in our fence. These guys will stop at nothing. Our biggest problem this year isn't the groundhog though (even though he did dig a few plants up, roots and all!)...it's our 3 month old puppy. We got Alfie when she was only 6 weeks and already has decided that she loves asparagus, dill, berries and trying to pull the cantelope plant out of the ground. Although she is getting better, she's still a hungry puppy who can't help the temptation. However, she loves to weed. She just can't really tell a weed from a veggie plant. With all the plants beginning to really flourish we are starting to talk about freezing our produce to hopefully last a bit into the winter. Any freezing/storage tips or suggestions?

Alfie checks out a spaghetti squash that outgrew the garden

I took a picture of this pepper when he was just a lil guy...he's getting bigger.

I lied last time about the asparagus being done for the season (don't mind the weeds)

Check out how big the cantelope in the hammock is getting!

Spaghetti squash! The one on the left is the one Alfie is pictured with above.

This is where we used to be able to keep our hose. Oh and there are beans and peas in there...but the squash has literally taken over the entire section. Bully squash: green and yellow squash (left) spaghetti squash (right)

Corn that has to be at least 7 feet tall!

Carrots. Say, what's up Doc?

Blackberries still coming!

We had one strawberry. Compliments of Alfie.

Remember when I said these were sweet peppers last time? I lied again, I guess. These babies are hot!

Another melon growing...this time on the ground

Some green summer squash

Soul Soil

We've been busier than usual. Spring came and we turned all our extra time and energy to the backyard. We spent hours and days working on prepping and expanding our garden. I wish I got before and after pictures! About half of our plants started from seedlings, the rest I just stuck some seeds in the ground and hoped for the best! Believe it or not, our plants from seeds directly sowed into the garden are bigger than the seedlings I transplanted! Maybe it was all the countless hours of tilling (by hand) and weeding. We cared the hell out of that soil. It's soul soil now. Since we did so well with sowing seeds in the garden, I decided to plant a second round of corn, black beans, green beans and carrots...hopefully we can get a later harvest out of the new little guys, just starting to poke their little seedlings out. I took inventory of our plants yesterday and was especially shocked by how many  sweet pepper plants we have! Here's what I counted:
35 Sweet Pepper
38 Corn
9 Squash (including green, yellow and only one spaghetti squash survived)
3 Cantelope
6 Tomato
2 Eggplant
1 Wax Bean ( I planted about 10)
25 Green Bean
12 Black Bean
20 Carrot
1 Cuke
3 Asparagus plants (We had such an early harvest of asparagus this year, it's just about finished!)

Garlic (countless! It's already been harvested!)

Strawberries
Blackberries
Blueberries
Thyme
Rosemary
Lemon Basil
Sweet Basil
Dill
Cilantro
We tried growing some greens...escarole, spinach and romaine but the heat wave said NO leaving our greens wilted, brown and dead. 
And an apple tree with no apples this year because of the late frost we got in spring. :(

Our biggest pepper so far! Yummy!

We have a bunch of these little guys

Got all nervous because I thought we planted some hot peppers, turns out they are sweet...SWEET!

Cantelope! I found out cantelope can grow up a trellis, so we are trying both. Some on the ground and rest is growing up and up!

Hang on little tomato

CORNHOLIO

Squash has taken over our garden, there are about 3 squashes almost ready on this plant alone

!

Blackberries! However, I should state that we did not plant the berries.

This is my first garden since I was a kid and I've never been prouder. I had no idea we would have such great results! We plan on freezing as much as possible come harvest time and hopefully live off our of organic fruits and veggies for a while. There is no reason why you shouldn't have a garden too! No matter what size, even a small window planter will give you some deliciousness and the best part is...you actually know where it came from! I noticed that majority of the peppers we buy are from Holland and Mexico. Who knows what they come in contact with before they end up on my plate. If I can do it, so can you. A pack of seeds can go for a quarter to 2 bucks, make it happen. Here's some inspiration for your garden, even if you are planning for next season.

365

I guess it's been a while since I posed. Blame it on life. But here I am! And somehow I woke up 29 years old. This is the oldest I've ever felt and not just because it's the oldest I've ever been, 29 has been etched in my brain since I was a kid. My mom gave birth to me when she was 20. I still remember her 29th birthday party...and her 30th. This isn't about being 30, sure I play that game, but it's fun...till I turn 30. My mom always joked about her age and she always said that she was 29, even when she was well past 35. I remember being confused at her 30th birthday party (and more to follow) when people kept wishing her a happy 29th. All I gathered was that 30 was the worst age you could possible be and that 29 was all that was worth clinging to because when you turn 30, you're probably going to go bald, lose your boobs, grow a beard/mustache and possibly even spontaneously combust...or something like that. Years have passed and the numbers 29 and 30 have continued to haunt me. What's so special about 29? Or maybe the question is, what's so bad about 30? Should I start making a bucket list? Then I found out on the news last week that 32 is the new 21. But, but, I don't want to be 21 again! Can't they just say, "Yay! You're 32, here's ice cream!" Who doesn't feel good about that? I know today at Easter with the family I am going to be slammed with 29/30 jokes. Luckily I know that both of my middle fingers still work and I still have the mouth of a 14-year-old pubescent girl that I can turn on like a light. It's not all dread, don't get me wrong. I woke up this morning to my handsome boyfriend singing happy birthday and to 29 kisses...one for good luck, maybe 29 is special after all.