Friday, June 24, 2011

Working Girl: Hell, I'll Do Anything For Money At This Point

Gasp! Is it really the end of June?! Somehow I went all spring working just part time and it was pretty awesome (except for my thin, empty wallet). But I got a two more jobs in June so hopefully that wallet with plump up. I'm working for a catering business per diem to help with service and events. I've never done this kind of work before and since I kick it to work in a pair of bobos, my knees and feet take close to three days to stop throbbing. Make sure to tip your waitress. The other job I got is part time working for a data company that specializes in retail stores. What's cool about this job is that it offers benefits (minimal, but better than what I have now, which is nothing) and I get to make my own hours while working with a deadline which means I can still watch the boys part time! All of this couldn't come at a better time because we are moving into my mom's house next week and taking over her mortgage for her in the middle of July. Yes, this means we have to live with my mother for a few weeks. I mentioned something about the possibility of just being homeless for a few weeks (it is summer anyways) but apparently that wasn't taken as seriously as I'd hoped.

Busy. It's the word that could sum up all of our lives, but right now it's crowding mine. Packing, cleaning, moving, working, training, sewing, baking...and painting starts today. So I'll be busy over the next few weeks, don't think I'm ignoring you. In fact, I've already wasted too much time writing this...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

It's A Hard Knock Life

It would be an understatement to say that I've been stressed. We move into a house at the end of the month to take over my mom's mortgage and I work 2-3 days a week and can't seem to find even a shitty job to pay the bills. A few weeks ago I found out that I have a leak in my brake line, then a few days later someone sideswiped my car overnight (in the driveway!!!!!!!) and then just a few days after that I got into a car accident...totaling my car. I still drive it but limited, just to work. We've been walking everywhere since. I don't have collision on my car and the damage is more than the car. Guess I can stop complaining about gas prices. Since I can't find any work and I need money, I agreed to work for a catering company when they have events, weddings and what have yous. I'll be the degraded asshole in a bow tie filling up your water. It's going to have to do until I find something more stable or gauge my eyes out. I've applied for well over 30 jobs.

We tried escaping reality for a night by going down to my family's cabin near Letchworth State Park but ended up having a horrible time due to stupid drunk drama. We weren't drunk, we shared one beer by the fire, and were being taunted all night. All we wanted was one night to forget our troubles and instead more trouble came to us. It's a lesson learned, if we want piece and quiet...don't let the family know you are going to the cabin. If it was up to me I'd make them all disappear Home Alone style. Luckily, one of them disappeared overnight after driving (drunk, remind you) to her mom's house around 5am. I'm glad no one was hurt although I wish her stupid ass would have ended up in a ditch or with a DWI to teach a lesson. It's not fucking cool to drive drunk, especially over a facebook message. Yes, a facebook message. Time to grow the fuck up, there are worse problems in the world...I wish a facebook message was my biggest problem.

Sobriety is especially tough after the weekend at the cabin. The weekend added more stress and I still can't get it out of my mind. I miss smoking. I quit in hopes of finding a job and not failing a drug test. I'm on day 4 and I've noticed the changes on day 2. I'm easily annoyed, tired during the day, awake at night, I'm depressed and my mind won't stop whirling. I hate it. I feel crazy all the time. Sure, it might get better but I remember feeling this way a few years ago when I quit for a few years. It sucked and I hated my life. I had horrible thoughts and feelings and relied heavily on booze. I don't want to drink again. I like having one or two drinks every few months or so with friends but I really have no interest in drinking again. Which makes me angry that I may not get hired for smoking pot. I'm not going to smoke before or during work so what does it matter what I do on my free time? It really angers me that something that keeps me happy and balanced can be the determining factor of getting a job or not. I refuse to take any medication to aid with depression and be turned into a pharmaceutical junkie. Alcoholics are lucky.

Throughout everything my boyfriend has been incredible. He's been amazing and nothing but supportive. I know it's cliche, but I honestly don't know what I would do without him. Every day since the spring has been a challenge for me, I can't seem to catch a break, and have been in quite the depressed slump. But there he is, constantly trying to make my life easier. Nobody has ever made me feel so special. I am so incredibly in love with that man and everyday he finds a different way to help me and love me. I love you, J.

Feeling Ambitious? Read These Too! (sorry for all the LOST posts)