Ain't Nobody Gonna Bring Me Down

I've noticed lately that the things that usually irritate me haven't really been bothersome. I didn't pay much attention to my cool demeanor until just a few days ago. I had to call a collection agency to ask them to delay a payment because I didn't have enough money in my account and the woman was a total bitch on the phone. I never got mad. Here I was, broke as broke could be and getting yelled out at on the phone for not having enough money in my bank account. I should have yelled back. The reason I didn't have enough money in my account was because I couldn't afford the last payment. I didn't even raise my voice. I'm fact, I think I annoyed her that I wasn't getting angry. Why didn't that bother me? Why didn't I tell that bitch I was gonna punch her in her fucking teeth?

And why haven't I been mad about how poor I am? I'm in a never ending cycle of being poor. I can't afford my school loan payments. They leave me with insufficient funds, I dig myself out of the negative balance hole for about a week or so and then I'm back in it. I have been rolling coins and selling personal possessions for gas money. So why haven't I broke down (no pun intended...but I'm leaving it that way) and cried? It's like I just don't care.

Nothing has changed at work either. I'm extremely underpaid and working at least 55 hours a week with only 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Someone on unemployment makes the same amount that I do. I said something earlier this week about needing more money and I heard, "Well we're so broke from our trip to Jamaica that we can't pay our mortgage." I should have went into all the outstanding bills I have, but instead it didn't bother me. I've been getting out late every night this week and haven't cared.

Even my road rage has declined dramatically! I usually grip my steering wheel with white knuckles and thrash my body around calling someone (it's about to get nasty) a fucking cunt eating fuckhead asshole or just scream. I've been a much more relaxed driver, letting people in front of me and I haven't been tailgating anyone!

What caused such a change in me? I smoke a lot of pot in my free time, but that's been going on for years...I doubt it's the weed. I became a full vegetarian about a month or so ago...could the lack of meat be what's causing the calm? But I've never really liked meat (I used to eat it to be polite) so that can't be it. Then it dawned on me. I'm in love. The world has been trying to bring me down and I've been giving the world and it's problems the cold shoulder. I can't even remember the last time I was this happy. Maybe it was 2003? The year doesn't matter, what matters is that I'm happy. I'm actually happy. Happy. Go on, say it...happy. And oddly enough the last time I was happy was the last time I was with this boy. I've had my share of boyfriends and although he's not exactly what the average girl looks for in a guy, I love him and no one has ever made me happier.

So while we're trying to get through the last few weeks of our winter blues, let's remember what or who makes us happy. Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you happy. Just get happy. :)

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry