Thrift Store Treasure

Check out the awesome stuff I scored at a VOA and Salvo with my pal, VelociRachel! Six records, two choose your own adventure books, an X-Files book (with a love note included on page 199), a Pee Wee's Christmas special VHS, a Buffalo Bills 1992 AFC Champtions Mug from the Superbowl, a pair of rust colored J Crew cords and a hippie sweater to match! All for thirteen bucks and change. Veloc

Cowboys, Dildos and Feathers

Over the past few days, the boy swept me off my feet and took me to see three movies. Actually we just used some giftcards we got for Christmas but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t swept off my feet. Anywho, we chose our three films wisely. The first being the John Wayne remake True Grit. Followed by the highly entertaining and charming Jackass 3D and lastly, Black Swan. (sigh) All such fine, handsome choices.

I get giddy every time I hear the Cohen brothers are making another movie. I get less giddy when I find out it’s a western. Still hopeful, we bought a slushie for six bucks and met another couple at the theatre. The movie started and it dragged on for a bit. We get it, he killed your father, you want revenge and you’re feisty too. In all honesty, all I cared about in this movie was Jeff Bridges. Although still good, I’m not so sure I agree with all the award hype that surrounds this rushed western but I’m always pulling for the Cohen brothers and especially Jeffy B.

It may not be recognized by the academy this year but we can keep our fingers crossed that Jackass 3D gets the credit it deserves. I’ve been against the 3D movement until I saw an air born white dildo flying directly at my face. I swear it honestly felt like I was about to get a dick in the eye. Or maybe it was when a party favor, blown by a fart, stretched out into the audience? Either way, the fellas nailed the 3D movie. You can only imagine what was protruding out of the screen…vomit, wieners and explosive diarrhea to name a few. But the best part about this movie was the family sitting in front of us. I wish I could have seen their kid’s faces during that entire movie.

Let me get down to it, Black Swan is the best movie I’ve seen this year (sorry Johnny Knoxville). We missed a few minutes thanks to a flustered and awkward concession stand man, but from the moment I sat down I was sucked in. The last thing I remember was that I was trying to take off my jacket, the end credits appeared and I realized I still had my coat on. I’ll tell you, there was a lot of dancing but don’t let that form your judgment on this film. It’s worth watching and you’ll see it’s impossible to keep your eyes off Natalie Portman. Aronofky sends out his message loud and clear by bringing us yet another awesomely fucked up movie that somehow gets stuck in our heads, forcing out questions and leaving us all wondering: What does Darren Aronofsky dream? Go see this film.

This One Goes to 11

I started writing a blog a few days ago remembering 2010 but honestly I’m sick of hearing about 2010 and I deleted the whole thing. I have nothing against 2010; in fact, there is a lot I love about last year! But instead of looking back on the good, the bad and the urinated soaked jeans, I’m focusing on what 2011 has to offer me.

(in no particular order)

1.       Award season! There’s nothing quite better than a spending a Sunday night indulging on food and drink while watching The Academy Awards. Plus it’s a good excuse to splurge on movies!

2.       I’m looking forward to getting my car fixed. Not looking forward to the bill.

3.       Buying more vinyl. Listening to more vinyl.

4.       I’m not much of a believer in resolutions, but I’ve decided to go with it. Finalizing on trying to eat lunch every day. So, there’s that…

5.       Move.

6.       Paying more attention to writing and blogging.

7.       Winning the lotto or falling upon any lump sum of money.

8.       The boy and I plan on visiting a few cities starting this spring. Just a few months away!

9.       Starting my own business(es).

10.   I want to be more active this year.

11.   More good times with friends!

12.   Finally getting a tattoo in remembrance of my grandma.

13.   If I don’t win the lotto this year or fall upon a lump sum of money, it’ll be ok (I guess) because I’m getting a raise this spring. Praise Jebus!

14.   More ladies nights.

15.   Picking up a few good books to read (hopefully).

16.   I’m trying to grow my hair out but I never actually do my hair. This one should be interesting…

17.   Learning how to make more vegan food and desserts.

18.   I should probably get health insurance too.

19.   Possible free trip to NYC.

20.   Spending more time with my love.

Here’s to a solid 2011! Stay healthy and stay safe.

Chimney Bluffs

I thought my friend and I were going thrift store shopping when I got out of work last Wednesday. I met him in a plaza and hopped in his car with a cigarette dangling from my mouth. He started driving in the opposite direction.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"Oh, you'll see," he laughed.

My friend has a record of being crazy...literally. This is the same kid that once swallowed an entire bottle of aderol just to know what it felt like to be Lindsay Lohan. He once stood with his toes over a local waterfall until an ambulance was called and he was taken away. I shouldn't have trusted him but I was feeling adventurous. We drove for what seemed forever until I saw a dead end ahead.

"Is that water?" I asked.

"It's Lake Ontario, baby!"

I peeled my legs off his leather seats and stepped out of the car into the 90 degrees and humidity so thick you could see it blanket over the water. I had never been out this far before and had no idea why he brought me here, but I followed him down a trail to the lake. I was wearing a rather short sun dress and platform flip flops. There were quite a few times where he had to actually carry me down so I wouldn't break an ankle. We made it down safely and started walking along the water.

"This is beautiful!" I exclaimed while heading to dip my toes in the water.

"Oh, Money, wait till you look up behind us!" (Yes, he calls me "Money")

It was amazing. Those steep cliffs along the lake are called Chimney Bluffs. I found out later that they lose three to five feet a year due to erosion. I tried climbing up one from lake side (yes, in my dress and platforms) and realized how fragile they were when rocks and dirt just kept sliding me down.

"Money! Let's go around and climb to the top!"

I eagerly agreed. There are a few wood trails that bring you to the top of the bluffs, although it's not recommended to get so close to the end as we did, but hey...you only live once (until you plummet to your death). We began our hike and I learned that my neck can sweat profusely if it's literally hotter than hell outside and you're hiking up a bluff.

We climbed up to the top and looked out to the lake. Stunning. I couldn't believe that I had never heard of this place before, it was just so beautiful. It didn't feel like I was in Rochester, NY.

After standing on the very edge of the bluffs and taking in all the scenery I started to think how easily it would be to fall.

"Did you bring me here to kill me?" I asked my loving, but yet unstable friend.
"No, I wouldn't kill you here."

So we took pictures. These are just from his phone. Luckily I had my mom's old camera from the 70's with me, I can't wait to develop the film!

We decided to drive back into town to grab clothes to go swimming. The water was perfect but I was a little afraid of going in the deep end after seeing Piranha 3D. My friend pretended he was drowning a few times and I lazed about, letting the current gently drift me as I looked up at the bluffs.

"What's wrong with you?" I yelled at him as people looked on as he pretended he couldn't swim.

"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" He screamed while gurgling water and splashing his arms.

I ignored him and went under for a dip to cool off. As I poked my head out of the water something hit my face. I wiped the water from my eyes and saw a pair of shorts floating next to me. I immediately looked at my friend who was all smiles.

"Are these your shorts?!"

"Oh yeah! WOO!" he yelled and did a handstand in the water...completely naked.

I love my friends.

Happy New Year Friends

Looking back on the year I think that tonight was the best way to end 2009. For some reason it has just been an off year...for everybody. I've written about how depressed I've been over the past few years, but tonight I felt like none of that ever happened. Maybe it was because I could smell 2010 creeping around the corner? Maybe it was the beer? But in reality it was the company. Sometimes hanging out with friends is all that matters. I've been in some serious rough shape, especially with the holidays. Spending Christmas alone was tough. For the first time I didn't care about a single gift that I received because it wouldn't change the loneliness. It made me realize even more that nothing else matters except for the good people in my life. Tonight, I had the pleasure of being with the best people in my life and two new, wonderful people.

It was refreshing to hang out with two people that I hadn't met before. Not because I'm bored of the people in my life, but hanging out with someone new tends to bring out old stories and realizations. I guess like adding some spice to a relationship. Regardless, they were both a good time. We were all able to kick back a few drinks and have some laughs. Something that I needed more than anything. I just feel like the gloom has taken over my life and no matter how hard I try to fight it, it just keeps coming back. Well, tonight there was no way that gloom was touching me and I kept it off with a little help from my friends.

I had such a good time talking with my two best friends tonight that I pulled an all nighter with them. OK...I might have fell asleep on the floor for a little while, but I never stopped listening to them talk. How is it that just a few human beings can take everything bad and make it all right? I didn't want the night to end. I still wish I was with them, but we are working ladies after all now. I can't think of a better way to bring in the new year. And even though tomorrow is the start of the New Year, I just don't care what tomorrow is or isn't. All that matters is that tonight was one of best nights of the year and I couldn't be happier (yeah, I said happy). I'm hoping there will be more nights like tonight in 2010. I'll pull more all nighters if I have to, they are well worth it and I'm sure those two fantastic ladies in my life would agree. Things are looking up for the next year...

Shit Happiness

I need to rant a little. Rant about happiness and loneliness and how the two somehow got confused in my life. Don't worry, I'll tell the short version of the story. A little over a year ago I was so excited for what was about to happen. I had just broken up with my boyfriend who I was living with and decided to move in with my dad and brother until I was able to afford my own place again. I finally felt like things were going to be good again. That I was going to be happy. Well it's funny how happiness works. One thing I have noticed is how backwards happiness is, what I think might cause misery brings happiness and vice versa.

I was living the single life. I was living with close friends in the city and loving it. Even though the apartment was infested with mice it was the best two years of my life. We were walking distance to everything you could want, restaurants, great shops, bars, Starbucks, drug stores, the library and even a Blockbuster. I spent a lot of time walking. I was in love with the city. We were in a great location for festivals and took advantage of the festivals to throw parties. Oh, the parties. I miss the parties. Then one day I woke up with a boyfriend.

I wanted a boyfriend. My two roommates had boyfriends. I was single for a few years and thought that a boyfriend would be nice again. We all have regrets, one of mine is him. I would do anything to go back in time and not meet him. But I did meet him. We worked together at an ice rink on the weekends. We worked side by side together for about two years without ever really talking to one another. I never understood why he was so shy and quiet. Our job was to ensure the safety of the skaters on the ice. We skated around for a few hours every weekend, checking stamped hands, yelling at kids, breaking up fights and dealing with (sometimes horrific) injuries for two years together. So naturally, I was curious as to why this guy never said a word to me. I would try small talk and get short answers. I should have never tried. I should have known that maybe there was a reason why he never talked to me. But no, I kept pushing. Eventually I got him to talk to me. I was so relieved. It was nice to have someone to talk to out there. Plus, communication was key in that job and it was nice to know that I could communicate with him now without feeling awkward. We got to know one another over the weekends for a few months then things went terribly wrong one night...well, at the time I thought everything was perfect. The ice rink holds a huge party every year in February. It's the busiest night to work there and it's pretty much hell. Our shift ended, we unlaced our skates and joined the drunkards for some beer. We realized that we were the only sober adults and the party was coming to an end, so we left to buy beer and go back to my apartment. We played Wii with my roommates until they eventually disappeared into their bedrooms. So we were alone and drunk. I'll give you three guess about what happened next. I would trade just about anything for that night. To not buy the beer, to not invite him back to my apartment, to not play Wii bowling, to not let him pick "Boogie Nights" to watch, to not let him in my bedroom, to not let him in my bed, to not sleep with him. That one night was the start to everything. I thought it was the start to a new relationship and how great everything was going to be. I was wrong. So very wrong.

My best friend told me that she didn't like what was going on. I should have listened to her. If I close my eyes I can see me sitting on the blue couch, slightly crooked, facing her with the laptop balancing on my knees while I was looking at his Myspace page. She was sitting across from me on the other couch telling me that she didn't like him. That she couldn't see us working. I told her that I liked him. And then one morning we had the "what are we?" talk. I walked out of my bedroom that morning with a boyfriend and no clue to what I was in for over the next few years.

I blame him for us moving out of our apartment. Our lease was just about up and we had all boyfriends. They were all staying at our apartment and it was a little crowded at times. He told me that he wanted to move in with me. I had never lived with a boyfriend before and was excited. Once again, happiness disguised as misery. I thought it was great and I was so happy. So once that lease ended, we all went our separate ways. We got apartments with our boyfriends. I wonder all the time what would have happened if I told him that it was too soon and that I didn't want to move in with him. Would we still be at that apartment?

Him and I moved half a block away from my old apartment. It was a great little apartment...with no mice. I was so excited. Well, I did not know who I was dating until we moved in together. And I was stuck. I signed a lease. Not to mention that my hours at work were horrible. It got so bad at one point that I was only working two days a week. I couldn't afford my half of the expenses and had to rely on him to pay my half at times. Some things I found out once we started living together:

1. He was abused as a child. His mother should have had her husband arrested for the abuse he put him through. It was sad to listen to the stories of his dad abusing him.

2. While in the military, he was taught to never have (or especially show) feelings or emotions. I tried to talk with him about this a lot, but the military did a pretty good job at brainwashing him. It was pointless.

3. He had a serious addiction to porn which lead to so much more. It lead to him talking to about twenty women at a time online. He would have cyber sex with these women and try to meet them.

4. He was an angry drunk.

5. He never loved me.

Right before Christmas, the year we moved in, I read that he had been talking to a married woman, a mother of three, and that he had invited her over to our apartment. I can't even begin to explain what was going on to my mind and body after I read that. I don't know the words to describe what I felt. I broke up with him that night and we didn't speak for about a week. He kept writing me messages about how sorry he was and how much he loved me. I believed him. I actually believed him. I took him back. I made strict rules though for him to earn my trust back. I had to get software for my computer that was meant for parents to protect their children from the Internet. It was more a pain than anything because it would ask for a password for just about everything. So anytime he wanted to check his bank account online or check his email I had to punch in the password. Eventually I got lazy and I turned the software off. I also thought that I could trust him again. What I didn't know was that I could never trust him again in my life. As soon as I turned off the parental software, he went back to porn and women. This happened not once again, not twice again, not three times again...but many, many more times. I can't even remember how many times actually. The number is probably around thirty. Thirty...the number of times I caught him trying to cheat. It got to the point where I only told my best friend about the big things. No one really knew what was going on, the hell that I was living. I kept taking him back though. The fights were bad. Really bad. Small arguments about doing dishes would lead to fighting over who he had fucked. Things were not good.

As if that wasn't bad enough, pretty much every time he drank he hit me. He never punched me, he always had "an open hand", as he would say. Here's the thing though, if someone hits me...I'm going to hit them back. I don't care how much bigger or smaller you are than me. If you're an adult, I'm hitting you back. My disadvantage was that he was almost a full foot taller than me and weighed about 100lbs more than me. I think of all the times he hit me, I only once "won" the fight. It was my birthday. He spent the night following this girl at the bar. He said that he was helping my cousin try to get laid, but I watched them the entire night...my cousin was doing just fine with his new lady friend. My boyfriend was being a dick. We came back to the apartment and I told him not to come to bed. After hitting on a girl all night on my birthday, he was sleeping on the couch. He started mouthing off to me so I went to get a cup full of cold water and I threw it at him as he got comfortable on the couch. He was too drunk to even realize how wet he was and he fell asleep. About an hour later the bedroom door opened and he started stumbling in. A huge fight started (all this going on while we had my two cousins, his sister and her boyfriend spending the night). I told him he was not getting into bed. Here's were his size becomes his advantage. He crawled into bed and I was using all my strength to try and push him out. He hardly budged. In fact, he was laughing at me. I swear fire came out of my ears when he started laughing. It was like flashes of the night were going through my head. My birthday was a total disaster and it was because of him. I looked down at his face on the pillow, laughing at me, and I punched down right on his jaw. He finally got out of bed. He sprang out of bed actually. I didn't hit him hard, but it was enough to stun him. There was plenty of yelling and threatening. He spent the rest of the night in his car. That was the only time I was successful at fighting back.

He was so much bigger and stronger than me that it was hard to fight back. He always made sure to never do anything to leave a mark though...smart. Except for one day. It was St. Patrick's Day and he hit me so hard that my own tooth cut my lip open. It happened while I was trying to fight back. It was a nasty day. We went to a bar after the parade ended. I wanted a picture of us in our matching suspenders. As I went over to him to put my arm around him he punched me in the vagina. He thought it was hysterical. He said I was overreacting when I started to yell. We had now caused a scene in the bar. The whole bar was listening and watching us fight. I wanted to go home. He had the keys and refused to give them to me, he denied hitting me, I threw his beer all over him and stormed out. I sat on our front porch waiting for them to come home at some point. Not too much time passed until I saw him walking back. We started screaming at one another as soon as we were in range. He was pushing me and I was pushing him. I thought he had come back to apologize, but he said there was a line at the bar for the bathroom and he really had to pee. I thought I was going to actually lose it. I started taking off my St. Patty's gear while I was screaming at him for punching me in the vagina and then denying it to convince the bar that I made it all up. He kept telling me that I did make it up and that I was crazy, which he said a lot. He always said that I made everything up. If you hear that enough, you start to think that you are actually crazy. Emotional abuse is no joke, once it starts it takes a long time to go away. A long time. He kept saying it over and over again. I knew what he was doing and I couldn't listen to him anymore. He was in my face now, yelling at me. I kept begging him to stop saying that I made it up. He wouldn't. He got meaner and nastier. I went for the low blow, he was getting too close, he was drunk and he was insane. He stopped my fist before I hit him and he hit me. Think of someone putting their hand up to stop traffic, but with the force of a punch (open handed). He got me right on the mouth and I flew back on to the bed from the force of the hit. It really did feel like slow motion. I remember going back, feeling the fall and landing on the bed. I remember I saw the ceiling before I saw him start to leave the room. My mouth felt hot. I touched my lip and saw blood on my finger. He went back to the bar. I stayed in bed all day. I couldn't believe what was happening. That day I knew I was in an abusive relationship. I was physically and emotional abused. And I can honestly tell you that I don't know which one is worse. Emotional abuse makes you feel like you're worthless and like you're a prisoner. He didn't come back to the apartment for another seven hours or so. And when he came back, he brought a posse of people with him. He was throwing a party in our apartment, while I laid in our bed with a cut lip. His sister was supposed to be coming over later that night and I told her what had happened so she wasn't walking into the situation blind. When she got to our apartment I could hear her talking to him. She asked what happened. He told her that I made everything up, I threw beer at him and that I tried to punch him in the balls. She came in my room and talked to me. I told her what had happened, that he punched me, tried saying that it didn't happen, came back and when I tried to punch him in the sack he hit me. I showed her my lip and started crying. I told her that I didn't understand what was going on. Why would I make all that up? Why would I want anything like that to happen? She obviously believed me. She went out there and started talking to him again. He started yelling at her now, I could hear everything they were saying. He refused to apologize and told her that I could go fuck myself and that he didn't give a shit about me. She came in and before she could say anything I told her that I heard it all. She sat with me for a while and then I asked her to leave. I didn't want any of it to become her problem. I didn't want him to hit anyone else either. So I told her to go out there and just try to get them to go back to a bar and let him do whatever he wanted. She did. He fell asleep on the couch for a while that night, I never heard him come into the bedroom. I woke up the next morning and he was laying next to me. I started to think it was all a dream. Did I actually make it all up? He woke up a few minutes later and I pretended I was sleeping. It was too early to fight, plus I was confused. He got up to go to the bathroom and came back to bed. He put his arm around me and I shot up. He asked what was wrong. I just looked at him. To this day I don't know if he was lying or not, but he had no clue as to what had happened. It wouldn't be the first time that he blacked out. I had to sit there and explain to him what happened. I showed him my lip and he apologized, but of course he said he remembered nothing and that it sounded like I overreacted. I felt crazy.

Everyone asks me why I stayed with him. Why I didn't just leave. That's the tricky thing about emotional abuse. I have journal entries saying that I could never leave him because of how "fucked up in the head" I was. He had such control over me mentally. It's so scary. You feel trapped. You feel powerless. I felt like I couldn't lose him. And then one day I was free. My head had finally sorted things out. I could have left at any time, I was mad. I felt like a fool. We were at a Bills game. I suddenly realized that I had to leave. It hit me like a punch in the face. I had to leave. I had to leave. I don't remember much of the game. I don't even think I spoke to him. It was like I was in a catatonic state. I was there, but somewhere else. The football game was going on in front of me and my eyes were pointed in that direction but I didn't see a football game, I saw everything that had happened over the past two years. I saw all the fighting, all the disappointment, all the lying, all the manipulation. A few days later, election day, I broke up with him. We got rid of our apartment and I moved in with my dad and brother.

I was ready to be happy. I was sad to move out of the city and back to the suburbs, but I was so ready to be happy again. I couldn't wait. I guess I pictured life before him and I thought everything would just go back to that. It didn't. Everyone was so busy with their own lives. Everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend now. Luckily, they have made good choices. But I am alone. Everyone has seemed to have grown up over the past couple years. How did I miss that? So here I am, a little over a year being single and still unhappy. I've never felt so alone in my life actually and I blame it all on him. I wouldn't be so lonely, I wouldn't be away from my friends, I could be happy. I'm pretty good at letting things roll off my shoulders and move on, but I just can't get happy. No matter how hard I try, I'm still...sad. Just sad. I miss my friends. I miss the parties. I miss the city. I miss having fun on the weekends. I do not miss him though. I am happy that I left him, but that seems to be the only thing I'm happy about with my life. This needs to change and I am working hard to change it. I try to hang out with friends but everyone is busy working, they're tired or they have plans already.

Happiness has been trying to break through to me too though. Arrangements have been made for me to rent my mom's house with a friend. It's all I've been thinking about. I can't wait to have someone to talk to. I spend 11 hours a day with a one-year-old, I come home to eat dinner and I usually smoke and/or drink myself to sleep and do it all over again. I have no one to talk to. No one to ask how my day was. No one to ask how their day was. The idea of living with a friend again has totally changed my mood. Something to care about. But then yesterday I found out that all of that may not happen. I'm back at square one. This information could have been useful months ago when I was looking at apartments and then stopped when I was offered the house. It's just a big let down. In February we might still be able to move in to the house, but it's a maybe. It went from a definite to a maybe. Brought down my good spirits pretty quickly. I won't lie, I want to give up a lot. Just let the misery and loneliness take over, but I'm still trying to find good. To find happiness. My happiness. If found, please return.

(and yes, that was the short story) :)

Welcome to Hell, Population: 5. Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Holidays are a funny thing. They are made up and yet taken so seriously. The family part kills me. Now don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of family and I'm extremely grateful for my family...I just can't stand them majority of the time. I swear I feel like I'm part of the Truman Show or some other nightmare scheme.

During dinner my father counted his moles...after exclaiming that he had to get some paper towel because he sweats when he eats. Disgusting. He actually said "my adrenaline gets goin' when I see all the good food." So he got his paper towels came back and started talking about how he has one mole. Then he changed it to two. Two moles.

"I have one by my neck....and the other one somewhere else," he said while laughing. As I looked up to say something along the lines of "shut up", I noticed he had a mole on his face, next to his eye brow above his nose.

"What about that one on your face?" I asked while shoving mashed potatoes in my mouth.

"I don't have a mole on my face," he tried to argue. My brother leaned over and put his finger on it.

"Oh. Well...I guess I have three moles then."

And that's how dinner started. Then my mom wanted to play a game. We had to go around the table and say things that we are thankful for. When it was my turn I said "pass", as I was still getting over the mole conversation. But everyone said the same cheese, "I'm thankful for family and friends and health and this meal and blah blah blah." All eyes were on me. I looked down at my plate and said the first thing that came to my mind..."I am thankful for these eating utensils." Without saying a word, glasses were raised. And then my brother sneezed.

"Bless you," we said. He got up and started laughing. We were all confused but still not entirely interested in what was so funny. He came back with Windex and paper towel. We all leaned over and took a peek. He sneezed with a mouthful of food. Not just one food, but turkey, corn and mashed potatoes. In my family, you learn not to regurgitate your food at a young age.

I continued to work on my plate. My stuffing looked like it was in a perfect ball from when I scooped it with a spoon.

"Did you roll your stuffing into a ball?" my dad asked me.

"What? No, that's how it came off the spoon." I said back to him.

"Oh, I thought you were playing with your food." He put his hands in the air and told me to throw my stuffing at him. I gave him a "really?" look.

"Are you serious?" I said to his stupid grin.

"C'mon..." he said in a teasing and taunting voice.

"Don't tempt me." I said as he laughed and put his hands down.

Then my mom started talking about my brother's penis. Something everybody, including him, I'm sure wanted to hear. My brother and his girlfriend made penis cookies. My mom had all these inappropriate jokes and stories to go with them.

"I've seen his penis, but I don't want to decorate it. That would just be weird." I probably asked her to stop four times before she actually did.

"Oh, you have no sense of humor!" my mom told me.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm lacking." The room was quiet. My brother and his girlfriend were whispering.

"What are you guys talking about?" my dad asked.

"We're gonna hang out with Sean tonight," my brother told him.

"Doesn't he have swine flu?" we all asked in confusion.

"Yeah, but he went out last night and he said he feels fine," my dumb brother said. We all tried explaining to him that H1N1 stays in your system for ten days and that it has not been ten days. My mother who is a nurse and has been having to wear a mask every day at work for months told him that it was a stupid idea.

"He said he feels fine though," his girlfriend said.

"Whatever, you guys are fucking stupid," my other brother chirped in.

"For real, don't come back to this house for a while if you're going over there," I said.

"Well, I'm ready to get my party on and I don't care," my brother said.

And as if we weren't talking about swine flu exposure, my dad decided to change the subject.

"If you put all the left overs into a food processor or blender and then put in in a casserole and bake it, I'd bet it'd be really good," he said.

"That's disgusting," I said in return. The conversation went on for a while about how none of us would eat the left over casserole. Before I knew it we were talking about my single status. Something always good to end the dinner with.

"You know, the guy that owns that pizza and sub place remembers what you order," my mom told me.

"What pizza and sub place? What guy?" I asked.

"You know, the one you get a turkey sub from..." my mom said in a cute tone.

"Um...no, I don't. I always order a turkey sub."

"Oh, what's the name of that place? Guetti's?" she finally remembered.

"UHHHHH....are you serious?" I said while dropping my fork on my plate.

"Yeah! His father was just in with chest pains!" my mom said sounding somewhat excited.

"I've only been in there once and it was over the summer..." I said waiting for her to realize how odd it is that this man knew who I was and what I ordered.

"Oh yeah! That's what he said!" she wasn't picking it up.

"Mom," I said, "that's creepy."

"No it's not! He saw my last name and asked if I knew your father. Told me that you came in on a Sunday morning over the summer. You were his first customer of the day and you ordered a turkey sub."

"Uh, yeah...that's creepy," I said once again. Apparently, I was the only one who found this story off. Everybody else seemed to think it was special. I slowly got up, took my wine, a few cookies and went upstairs all while listening to them all discuss my future of marrying a man that owns a pizzeria.

That was only one half hour of my family life. Imagine what the next month or so is going to be like. It's for this reason that I like to think of my friends as family. The way I see it, you're friends are the family that you chose. So out of no disrespect to my family, I'd like to say that I am thankful for something other than forks and spoons...I'm thankful for my friends. Thankful that they don't count their moles in front of me and for just being who they are. Without them I'm sure I'd be in a nuthouse. So thanks, friend. :)