Sunday, October 31, 2010

Don’t Dress up as Judge Ito for Halloween

During the mid-90’s, right in the heat of the O.J. Simpson trial and one cool October night, I decided to dress as Judge Ito for Halloween. I was in seventh grade and while some may consider thirteen too old for trick-or-treating there was no denying my love for candy. I had my black wig, my mom’s old graduation gown, small glasses, a goatee and a giant pillow case.


My friend came over dressed as a baby and we intended to visit every house in my neighborhood. Really load up on the candy. We made it to every house and with good time! In fact, it was still early. Our pillowcases were already swollen with candy, bulging in all directions but I easily convinced her to travel across the street to another neighborhood to get more candy. We started in a small cul-de-sac that had about five houses curved in a row. When we rounded the corner of the last house a few high school boys, some wearing robes and masks, came running around the corner. My friend ran to the street while I stopped, like an idiot, and said, “Oh! You scared me!” I remember being confused right before they grabbed my arms. One boy tugged at my pillowcase, now just over half full, and I tugged back. I wasn’t worried at all about getting beat up by four boys…I didn’t want to lose my candy. Once they realized I wouldn’t let go two of the boys kicked my legs out from under me. I saw my friend standing in the street laughing at me while I fell down to the ground. They boys held me down for a few seconds while some got a running head start…with my candy.

“Thanks for helping!” I sarcastically yelled at my friend. My Ito goatee was half off my face and I was pissed. I dreaded going home. I shouldn’t have been so greedy. I’m sure three pounds of candy was more than enough. I caught my breath and we walked back to my house. When I walked in the front door my dad was standing in the hallway, on the phone with my grandpa. I tried to hold back tears but I just couldn’t. I swear steam came out of my dad’s ears when I told him what happened. Once he heard my candy was stolen he put the phone real close to his mouth and sternly said, “Dad, I have to call you back, some fucking assholes stole her candy……..I don’t know, but I’m going to get those fuckers.” Click.

My mom came running into the room by now.  “What happened?!” she asked with a worried face. Her eyes looked me up and down and doubled back to my hands. “Where’s my pillowcase?!” she yelled. She was more upset about her pillowcase being stolen than the safety of her daughter.  My dad left during this argument to go find his police search light. “I can’t believe you’re upset about a pillowcase,” he said to my mom as he returned. “Come on, we’re looking for them right now! You’re going to tell me what they looked like, we’re going to find them and get your candy back. Get in the car!” I was nervous. I tried pleading with him to just stay home, that I shouldn’t have gone into that neighborhood in the first place but I was still sitting shotgun, listening to my dad talk about “how those fuckers are gonna pay.” We drove around like sketch balls for a few minutes, driving no more than 10 mph and shining a giant spotlight on trick-or-treaters. I was humiliated and I never saw the boys that jumped me and took my candy again. My dad took me to the store that night and gave me twenty bucks. Maybe getting jumped while being dressed as Judge Ito on Halloween wasn’t so bad after all…

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